Thursday, May 23, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 260

Is Money in the Bank on the backburner now?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

This question hearkens back to another question you had asked about the briefcase becoming oversaturated, and WWE course-correcting. I feel as if this is another move in course-correcting having Bayley cash in the same night she won and Brock Lesnar take his briefcase with him to his mud hut in somewhere in the black mining hills of Dakota. Lesnar, by definition, will cash in on a surprise given that his appearances are surprises anymore. Granted, not all surprises are objectively good, and I've made my thoughts clear on his briefcase win. Still, everyone knows Vince McMahon's ideas rarely line up with too-online jerks like myself. So this is definitely his way of rehabbing it. Still, I'm not sure Money in the Bank was ever bigger than Survivor Series, except those weird years at the beginning of the decade when it was rumored WWE was going to phase the event out and CM Punk made MITB '11, ahem, must see. WWE never offered travel packages for MITB, but recently, Survivor Series has been treated like any of the other Big Four.

Best: Andre the Giant, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Colony, Manami Toyota, Jushin Thunder Liger

Worst: Bad Ass Billy Gunn, Farooq Asad (pre-Nation, Sunny-managed), Giant Gonzalez, The KISS Demon, Deuce and Domino

The leftist in me says that the best way for him to die is via guillotine with all the other billionaires. The ironic wrestling fan in me wants to see him go taking a bump, like the most basic of bumps that causes some major trauma in him that ends up killing him. The former is quicker and cleaner, but at the result of a revolution that will redistribute wealth, while the latter can happen at any time, but will be more painful, so it's really hard to say which will be more satisfying. Odds are, he'll probably die peacefully with his grandchildren at his side and with a thousand thirsty sycophantic wrestling writers led at the vanguard by Justin LaBar and Ryan Satin to give him great hagiography for how he BUILT pro wrestling with his bare hands, which will be severely irritating. But whatever, I'm used to only getting sporadic wins. I'm a Philly sports fan.

I only really have two criteria. Is it memorable, and does it fit the character? Look at the Kanellis' theme song as an example of a perfect theme in the modern age.



Is it memorable? It might be the only memorable thing about that act in WWE right now, which is partially WWE's fault for dropping the ball and partially bad luck as it came right at the time when Mike was at a turning point in his opioid addiction. The opening shreddy noodle catches your attention, and then the big booming vocal intro burrows into your mind like a worm. Now, does it fit the character? Given that Mike is blindly dedicated to Maria here under the guise of love, I'd say the aggrandizing lyrics fit perfectly. Not that I'm SCREAMING to see more Mike Bennett on WWE TV, but the gimmick had a great hook, and if he was going to succeed anywhere, it was going to be in WWE. But that's another question.

Normally, I would say that Blastoise's heft and double water cannons would be too much for Gage, but MDK the man's taken out bigger opponents, and he seems like the kind of guy who's either too tough or too stupid to quit in a fight unless he was incapacitated, unconscious, or dead. So I'm still going for my man Nick Gage here, MDK Gang Affiliated.

The short answer is HELL NO.

The longer answer is that AEW has a chance to "break the wheel" so to speak. WWE's oppressive schedule is obviously the paradigm which they should hope to break. Sure, Ring of Honor and New Japan Pro Wrestling stream all of their shows, but the former especially might have an argument for maybe not hitting every town and allowing people to engage it as a TV product (New Japan has TV in Japan, maybe porting that for America would help them not have as many shows as they do, but they're actually the company whose load I'm least worried about). With billions backing it, and unlike ROH, billions that are interested in wrestling, AEW should probably just stick to television tapings and live shows for the big events to be streamed on the Bleacher Report app. It can be the big money promotion without having wrestlers run down by superfluous appearances that only serve an anachronistic belief that it's not wrestling unless you get to see it live. It would also further a friendlier attitude to the indies by allowing them to fill the live wrestling gap, especially if they allow their wrestlers to be true independent contractors and selectively work dates they WANT to work rather than being mandated.

Well, if McMahon were booking the show, he'd have had NO CHANCE IN HELL of killing off Khal Drogo in season one, but assuming he only got to take over the show, only women would be able to fight women, the Night King would've survived the Battle of Winterfell and then traded victories with Arya Stark until an unsatisfying conclusion in the finale that left everyone dissatisfied, and Daenerys would have cut a scathing promo about how she HATED the people of King's Landing before doing her dragon strafing of the city. Oh, and Euron Greyjoy would've been on the Iron Throne at the end and also he'd have been recast as Triple H.
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