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| A trophy worth having off for Photo Credit: City-Data via the Associated Press |
Hey, there's a new White House petition circulating! No, it's not to deport Piers Morgan, commission the building of a new Death Star, or have the corgi replace the bald eagle as the national animal. Nope, I'm just gonna let Mike Tunison, .gif wizard and editor of my favorite non-wrestling commentary/dick joke website on the net, Kissing Suzy Kolber, say it in Tweet form:
All online White House petitions are stupid, except this one to make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/decla…
— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) January 24, 2013
Yes, that is a petition to try and get the day after the Super Bowl as a national holiday. Yes it's dead serious and not just a publicity stunt. It's a noble gesture too, not because it celebrates football either. You people (YOU PEOPLE) know that I'm almost as big a fan of football as I am the pro graps. However, the root of it is not a national lionization of the sport. I'm well-aware that not everyone in the country is a fan of it, and that the organization of the NFL isn't deserving of getting that much praise heaped upon it.
I mean, Roger Goodell and his army of disciplinary minions just fined Frank Gore more money for wearing his socks too low than they did Tom Brady for sliding spikes up, nearly lancing the shins of Ed Reed. If the petition was solely to honor that organization headed by that totalitarian numbskull, I'd burn the people promoting it with fire if I could.
But a national day off after the Super Bowl doesn't just benefit the people watching the Super Bowl, it benefits everyone. Well, not everyone, but everyone who matters. It's a fact that the United States of America has the least vacation time given to their employees of every industrialized nation in the world. There's way less importance and way more scorn heaped upon the idea of taking time off. It's embedded in our entertainment (WWE painting CM Punk's tactics of wanting to take a personal day in Chicago in the summer ring a bell?) and even in our advertising. Dodge blatantly marketed their Ram truck to people who would be working overtime during the holidays rather than, y'know, relaxing with their families like a worthless bum would do. WHO HAS TIME TO RELAX, I HAVE TO HAUL THIS LUMBER TO THE JOBSITE, AMIRITE GUISE?
And why is that? It's because the people who would be against having a day off, y'know, the CEOs and business types who spout off cliches like "time is money" while sitting in their offices or posing for photo ops while you do all the hard work, have the money and don't like the idea of paying out said money for time off. They're the ones who make pre-Christmas Eve Ebenezer Scrooge look like a goddamn financial martyr, and because they have money, well, they make the world go round.
Well, fuck them. The Super Bowl isn't about them anyway, even if they're more likely to be able to attend than you. Mainly, they go to the game to hobnob and talk about stock portfolios. You watch the game at home with your families and friends in a more communal experience. The Super Bowl is about the genpop, the ones who go to the Super Bowl parties and buy the shit for it and have a good time at them, even if they aren't fans of the game and just go to socialize or to watch the commercials.
And really, enough of the country is steeped in this game that it would be a general benefit to it to have only the essentials at work the next day. It would make the roads safer because drunk drivers would have more of an incentive to stay at their place of revelry overnight. It would boost the economy in two ways. One, it would coerce more people to have parties and buy buy buy to make them all out. Two, anytime there's a day off, you know the retail community is going to have a reason to do a one-day sale and cause the shopping community to bang at the doors for 15% off a store-brand jacquard polo. Finally, it would make the country happier. You want to have a country with happy people, right? Right? Right.
Really, there's realistically not a good chance that this petition would be recognized. Even if it did get the signatures, it wouldn't be implemented this year or at all because remember, the rich assholes who run this country don't want to lose a day of productivity. I mean, if they did, then things like "work web filters" and "use it or lose it vacation time" wouldn't exist. However, there's always the chance that President Barack Obama (on his own or at the cajoling of Vice President and Prime Minister of PARTAAAAYING DOWN YEAH Joe Biden) would see it and try to push something through in his last four years in office. I mean, that's gotta be worth a signature, right?
So even if you're not a fan of football, you've gotta be a fan of days off, right? Right. So sign the goddamn petition. Make your voice heard that you want Super Bowl Monday a holiday. DO IT. NOW.
I mean, Roger Goodell and his army of disciplinary minions just fined Frank Gore more money for wearing his socks too low than they did Tom Brady for sliding spikes up, nearly lancing the shins of Ed Reed. If the petition was solely to honor that organization headed by that totalitarian numbskull, I'd burn the people promoting it with fire if I could.
But a national day off after the Super Bowl doesn't just benefit the people watching the Super Bowl, it benefits everyone. Well, not everyone, but everyone who matters. It's a fact that the United States of America has the least vacation time given to their employees of every industrialized nation in the world. There's way less importance and way more scorn heaped upon the idea of taking time off. It's embedded in our entertainment (WWE painting CM Punk's tactics of wanting to take a personal day in Chicago in the summer ring a bell?) and even in our advertising. Dodge blatantly marketed their Ram truck to people who would be working overtime during the holidays rather than, y'know, relaxing with their families like a worthless bum would do. WHO HAS TIME TO RELAX, I HAVE TO HAUL THIS LUMBER TO THE JOBSITE, AMIRITE GUISE?
And why is that? It's because the people who would be against having a day off, y'know, the CEOs and business types who spout off cliches like "time is money" while sitting in their offices or posing for photo ops while you do all the hard work, have the money and don't like the idea of paying out said money for time off. They're the ones who make pre-Christmas Eve Ebenezer Scrooge look like a goddamn financial martyr, and because they have money, well, they make the world go round.
Well, fuck them. The Super Bowl isn't about them anyway, even if they're more likely to be able to attend than you. Mainly, they go to the game to hobnob and talk about stock portfolios. You watch the game at home with your families and friends in a more communal experience. The Super Bowl is about the genpop, the ones who go to the Super Bowl parties and buy the shit for it and have a good time at them, even if they aren't fans of the game and just go to socialize or to watch the commercials.
And really, enough of the country is steeped in this game that it would be a general benefit to it to have only the essentials at work the next day. It would make the roads safer because drunk drivers would have more of an incentive to stay at their place of revelry overnight. It would boost the economy in two ways. One, it would coerce more people to have parties and buy buy buy to make them all out. Two, anytime there's a day off, you know the retail community is going to have a reason to do a one-day sale and cause the shopping community to bang at the doors for 15% off a store-brand jacquard polo. Finally, it would make the country happier. You want to have a country with happy people, right? Right? Right.
Really, there's realistically not a good chance that this petition would be recognized. Even if it did get the signatures, it wouldn't be implemented this year or at all because remember, the rich assholes who run this country don't want to lose a day of productivity. I mean, if they did, then things like "work web filters" and "use it or lose it vacation time" wouldn't exist. However, there's always the chance that President Barack Obama (on his own or at the cajoling of Vice President and Prime Minister of PARTAAAAYING DOWN YEAH Joe Biden) would see it and try to push something through in his last four years in office. I mean, that's gotta be worth a signature, right?
So even if you're not a fan of football, you've gotta be a fan of days off, right? Right. So sign the goddamn petition. Make your voice heard that you want Super Bowl Monday a holiday. DO IT. NOW.
