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| Know Kyle Matthews, know peace Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.
First up, Scott Holland of Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object asks whether an ESPN-style "Bottom Line" ticker at the bottom of the Royal Rumble telecast would enhance the viewing of it.
In sport, I think the Bottom Line is a great idea because of the lulls in the action. In any other setting in wrestling, it could be good too, mainly because of the rest holds needed. However, for the Rumble, I'm not entirely sure I'd be on board with that. The Rumble match itself is about as jam-packed with action as you can get, and I say that knowing full-well that there are the lulls in it where guys are just standing around, stomping dudes in corners and trying to leverage people over the ropes badly.
That being said, when Randy Orton is pulling out his bouquet of headlocks, there's no danger of the guy in them to tap out and lose the match. However, in the Rumble, you never know when there is going to be one of those guys actually going to the floor, even on a most awkward-looking rope dump. Also, I've noticed that they've gone away from the traditional format over past few years and started doing a much more quickly-paced Rumble based on individual story strains. The match is changing, and whether you want to argue it's for better or worse, it's seemingly allowing for more of a quicker, frenetic pace than the old, Pat Patterson-produced matches.
So when you have to pay more attention to the match action, you have less time to glance at the bottom for any distraction. So no, ixnay on the Bottom Line for the Rumble.
Certified Wrestle Bro @HammerDialetic has been packing his lunches lately and wants a validating opinion as to whether Muenster is the definitive sandwich cheese.
Well, I've had plenty of sandwiches in my day with the whole gamut of cheeses. Since I'm assuming this is for cold sandwiches with no melt, then Muenster is in the conversation. In fact, it's probably in the top three with Swiss and sharp provolone. The problem is that all three cheeses serve different roles. Swiss pairs well with milder meats like turkey because it's so nutty and fragrant. It's able to jack up the flavor profile, and thus elevate the sandwich. Sharp provolone is needed against some of the heavier cured Italian meats, because a milder cheese will be punchless. However, turkey and the Italian sandwiches with a deeper cure are rarer. Muenster has the creaminess of American cheese without the overbearing tang. It's mild with subtle flavors that pair well with any meat. So on that consultation, I'd say I agree. Muenster is King.
@BrandunKyla asks what independent promotion is poised to have the hottest 2013.
There are several candidates. ACW loses a lot by not having Rachel Summerlyn around and losing ACH to the national scene. Will a heavier dose of the Submission Squad, Bolt Brady, Athena, Barbi Hayden, and JoJo Bravo help offset that loss? I wouldn't bet against them, but going forward, I think they're behind the 8-ball. PWG is right now assembling the most monstrous of monster dream cards for All-Star Weekend 9, but I have concerns about them that I'll address on Cageside this coming week. AIW could turn some heads, as could AAW, but we'll see.
Chikara seems to be a name to toss in each year, and given that we're on the resolution/denouement side of their dual-year cycle, we could be in for a wild ride. Still, the nationalization of the product might homogenize it a little bit. I don't want to bet against them, but as a pseudo-national promotion, they have less a license to flex creative muscle in theory. Sure, there's a chance Mike Quackenbush could say "I don't give a flip," and continue to shoot for the stars, but I think that's what the Wrestling Is movement is for. It's for the same roster to try some new things and get some new ideas into the fold (Heart with Billy Roc, Fun with Dasher Hatfield, Respect with Delirious, Art with Colt Cabana, Awesome with ???).
Of all of those, I'm gonna go with Wrestling Is Art as the one to watch. I want to see what ideas Cabana and Quack come up with there, and they've got my attention with match choices. Quack/Cabana is safe, but they've already have Quack/Drew Gulak, Cabana/Tim Donst, Cabana/Green Ant, and Quack/Jaka matches booked for their first two official shows. I really think the confluence of ideas and roster in that individual promotion could make it the one to watch in 2013.
In a similar vein, @Heinekenrana wants to know a wrestler I like that not a whole lot of people know about.
The answer to this question is going to depend on "Who is someone not a whole lot of people know about?" It's not going to come from the Northeast, Rust Belt, Austin, or Southern California. It's either coming from the South or Missouri (which is technically SEC country anyway). Personally, it's one of two guys.
If you missed the cup of coffee he's had on Impact and haven't gotten a full taste of what he can do through his cameo appearances in Resistance Pro, EVOLVE, and ECWA Super 8, then the answer is Kyle Matthews. Every time the guy shows up on YouTube, he is regoddamndiculous. He's an eminently versatile worker with loads of understated charisma and a knowledge of how to hybridize old school Southern-style with the modern indie flairs we all know and love.
If you do want something deeper, then look for Fred Yehi. The Bonafide one is a backyard vet who transitioned into the legit world of pro wrestling in late 2011. Since then, he's mostly been wrestling for the Platinum Championship Wrestling/EMPIRE Wrestling dichotomy (from what I can gather, there was an invasion angle), and he's had some pretty spiffy matches. He even wrestled Davey Richards, which you can take or leave depending on your thoughts on DR (I haven't seen the match yet). But yeah, that kid's got future, and if you can, seek him out on the YouTubes.
@czach1r wants me to book a hockey HOSS FIGHT without resorting to inserting Zdeno Chara.
Goddammit, I had to do research for this. Anyway, Dustin Byfulgien is my first choice. Standing at 6'5" and weighing in at a robust 265 lbs., the man is mountainous for a hockey player. My second choice would be Todd Bertuzzi. Now, I know what you're saying. The guy is only 6'3" and weighs in at a shade under 230. However. that's kinda big for a hockey player, plus the dude almost legit killed a guy on the ice. He strikes me as a Ryback type. Not the biggest or tallest, but a dude who has size and knows how to throw it around.
Of course, this goes without saying that this should happen in a wrestling ring and not the hockey ice. I've grown tired of hockey fights, but that might just be me being a giant dork in my old age.
Noted Mr. Met doppelganger @KMB2476 ruminates whether last year's Mania debacle actually ended up helping Daniel Bryan more than hurting him.
I don't think there's any question that it helped him more than hurt him. Honestly, this is the biggest triumph of fans over office mindset that I've ever seen in WWE history. I don't think it's even close. We were all pissed off about the 18 second "match" to the point where the fans who were there hijacked the rest of the show and RAW the next night. Then those fans influenced everyone else to chant YES and make Daniel Bryan into a folk hero.
I understand the rationale that not letting two of the best four or five wrestlers in the company have a long match really deflated the rest of the card. However, the silver lining in that cloud? It was really goddamn silver if you ask me. Sterling.
@robot_hammer has put me up for some predictive positing, as he wants to know who my pick is to win the NXT tournament for a spot in the Rumble.
Well, before I get to the task of picking a winner, let's run down the names, shall we? There's Xavier Woods (Consequences Creed), Luke Harper (Brodie Lee), Adrian Neville (PAC), Conor O'Brian, Corey Graves, Bo Dallas (nee Rotundo, aka IRS's kid), Oliver Grey, and Leo Kruger. Kruger's a big flippin' deal down in NXT/FCW, as he's held the belt before. Dallas is another big prospect from what I know. But I think if we're looking at viable winners to make a mark in the Rumble match (and believe you me, if WWE is making a big deal out of a NXT guy, it's to make a mark, not to be Santino/Bushwhacker Luke/Warlord), then there are only two choices: Neville and Harper.
If the aim is to have an elimination dodge in the vein of Kofi Kingston or John Morrison, then the answer is Adrian Neville. He's the Man That Gravity Forgot, so he'll find some way to patrol the outside of the ring without having both feet touch the floor. If they want someone to come right in and Diesel that shit up, it's Luke Harper. Not only will the Big Rig hoss dudes out of the ring, he'll do it with a serial killer's look in his eye, one that'll make people remember his name, his face, and his crazy-ass beard. I'll flip a coin and say they'll go pyrotechnics over evisceration and say Neville gets the spot.
Newly minted TWB staffer and SoCal DJ LEGEND Butch Rosser asks which two wrestlers I'd put together in a buddy cop comedy.
The way-too-easy answer would be Daniel Bryan and Kane, so I won't go with that. So, let's go with an offbeat, independent answer and say Rachel Summerlyn and Portia Perez. Sure, their team name is "Team Havin' Fun," but we all know that Perez, behind the Sesame Street-festooned exterior, is still a curmudgeonly grouch with an old soul. Give me those two on a beat for 30 minutes each week or 90 minutes on celluloid, and I think I'm hooked.
Dirty Dirty Sheets head honcho Leslie Lee III is curious to know my favorite joshi match ever.
I've seen scant few joshi matches (or really any match that didn't happen on US soil), but the ones I have seen were pretty good to great. My favorite though was between Aja Kong and Manami Toyota from 11/20/94. It was a classic David/Goliath matchup where Kong kept stiffing the hell out Toyota, but the Greatest kept giving it back to her, namely in the form of dropkicks out the wazoo. Plus, THAT POWERBOMB.
My second question from a Mets fanatic comes from the indomitably spirited @metschick, who wants to know what my favorite beer is.
I'd say this is like asking who my favorite child is, but I only have one kid right now, so it would be disingenuous. I know at one point, I had a running power poll where I named Ommegang's Hennepin saison farmhouse ale as my favorite beer, and believe me, it's goddamn good. However, since I vacillate like chimes in swirling winds, of course I have to name a few other contenders. First is Guinness Draught Stout, which is my safe beer. It's the brew that probably more than anything else shaped my outlook on beer-nerdery. Another two Dogfish Head Burton Baton Imperial IPA and their Raison D'Etre, which are both fantastic Belgian-inspired beers. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale, a beer which I seem to be the only fan in the world of. But yeah, the point is, I really like beer, don't I? Sorry for Peter Kinging it here. Let's give a concrete answer as the Hennepin, because it is kinda awesome.
@HammerDialetic is back again, this time asking what my favorite, non-Canton, OH Eugene Debs speech ever is.
That promo he cut before his 120 minute draw with George Hackenschmidt in Elmyra, NY. Wait, Debs was an influential socialist politician and not an old-timey professional wrestler? WHO DOES THE GODDAMN RESEARCH AROUND HERE?
@el_spriggs has given me a veritable wrestling Sophie's Choice. I can only pick one titleholder of these three to retain Sunday. Which one shall it be among Alberto del Rio, CM Punk, or Antonio Cesaro.
Well, the easy elimination here is del Rio. While I love him as Champion, I also love the idea of World's Largest Teenager Big Show reclaiming his gold and sitting on his throne of bones until Daniel Bryan is ready to make him tap out. That leaves Punk vs. Cesaro.
On one hand, The Rock winning the WWE Championship would highlight everything that's wrong with the thought process in the company as it stands right now. Punk shouldn't be putting over roided-out movie stars with tendencies of insulting large swaths of the fanbase. He should be tapping out in the middle of the ring to Daniel Bryan... okay, or some other full-time guy not named John Cena. But Cesaro losing the belt to Miz would signify another huge problem in WWE's impatience with any story that doesn't involve a McMahon, a Cena, or a guy who used to be a draw for them back in the day.
So, which is the lesser of two evils? I guess it has to be Cesaro. If I had to choose between only one of those guys retaining, it would have to be Punk. It's for the good of WWE. Sorry Claudio, but Miz gets your title. It's for the best.
My ol' buddy from grade school, @Bdonn120, asks if I have good vibes going into the Rumble.
I don't think it's possible for me to be down on the Rumble. Like I wrote yesterday, even if I'm less than thrilled of a prospect of another Rock/Cena match at Mania, the Rumble match is almost always fun, and Punk/Rock should be a spectacle if anything. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Tag Title match is going to rock all our faces off. SO yeah, even if the finishes go predictably and terribly, the event itself should be a fun watch.
@BookSavvy is delving deep into the psyche of one TH and asking what my earliest wrestling memory is.
My earliest, earliest wrestling related memory has to be when I was a wee, wee lad in the mid-'80s watching the Rock 'n Wrestling cartoon. But if we're talking actual, in-ring stuff, it's definitely WrestleMania VII. A card that is historically panned compared to other of its Mania brethren, it is the one show that I can point to for hooking me as a wrestling fan for life. There was the Hart Foundation vs. the Nasty Boys, the Orient Express vs. Demolition, Hulk Hogan triumphing FOR AMERICA over Iraq (for a 10-year old boy, that's huge), and most importantly, the fall of the Macho King and the most important reunion in wrestling history, Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. So yeah, that's about as far back as my ol' noggin goes.
@el_spriggs is BACK FOR MORE and wants to know what Saturyne's first real feud should be.
I think that a feud with Mr. Touchdown would be great if his dance card wasn't punched already with Archibald Peck. I doubt their tilt during Chikara's opening weekend is going to solve anything. I do think she needs to have a feud sooner rather than later. In Chikara, I'm not sure what the right answer would be, but in WSU, I'd like to see her get into it with the Midwest Militia. Yeah, I know, her vs. Jessicka Havok would and should be a murder, but the point wouldn't be to have her in a title feud. It would be to get her into the fabric of the company and form an alliance. While her endgame wouldn't be the WSU Championship, her and, say, Lexxus or Kimber Lee, taking the Tag Titles from Sassy Stephie and Allysin Kay would be a cool story.
@OkoriWadsworth has a two-part question. First, what is my least favorite style of wrestling to watch?
I usually find value in any style of wrestling. There's a good way and a bad way to do any style. You can't really judge a style based on how well or poorly one wrestler executes it. For example, shitting on strong-style because Davey Richards sucks at it doesn't mean other wrestlers (Kana the best example I can think of) don't excel at it and make it look good.
That being said, there's one style of wrestling that's cringeworthy when it's done poorly, and that's the death match style. I've seen death matches or super hardcore matches done EXTREMELY well. For example, look at the lucha de apuesta tag match from High Noon. It was crazy, went all over the arena, and neither team had any bloodshed needed to drive home that there was SUPER EXTREME violence going on. Similarly, the only weapon that Lil' Naughty and Crazy Mary Dobson needed at Girls' Night Out 7 was the thumbtack. Granted, there were a million of them, but it was such a minimalist approach to hardcore. Plus, the blood was artistic and not excessive.
But I have a hard time watching guys assaulting each other with deadly weapons and bleeding buckets. I don't have a real world example of this I can point to, but the sequence in The Wrestler where Randy the Ram and Necro Butcher had their death match was extremely difficult to watch. Clips I've seen of the worst that CZW, Big Japan, or other death match promotions had to offer elicited similar feelings of sickness. I mean, bless you if you can stomach that style at its worst, but I like my hardcore in moderation.
Second, he's gotta know who my favorite Philadelphia Flyer is, all-time.
I started really paying attention to sport and hockey in particular in around 1990, so that nixes any of the Broad Street Bullies. Yeah, it's nice reading about Dave Schultz or Bobby Clarke, but I gotta go with what I know. With that in mind, my honorable mentions would be Simon Gagne, Danny Briere, Ron Hextall, Keith Primeau, Eric Desjardins, Claude Giroux, Sean Couturier, and of course, Eric Lindros. However, my all-time favorite Flyer has to be John LeClair. I always appreciated his goal scoring. Dude had a great all-around offensive game. Plus, he was from the US. I had his jersey too, the only hockey sweater I've ever owned actually.
@IRodC asks who the better booker is, Booker T, or Richard Greico from the TV series Booker.
As much as the Butabi boys might influence me otherwise, the answer is Booker T, SUCKAAAAAAA.
Yet another question from a TWB staffer this evening, this time, from Danielle Matheson, who wants to know my favorite bread for a sandwich given the backdrop of the popularity of the biscuit.
First off, biscuits are nice, but they're so totally not sturdy enough to hold a sandwich. They're better with a shitpile of gravy doused over them or with some butter next to a country or Thanksgiving dinner.
Now, I'm going to be a bit biased by my region, but there's nothing better than a crusty Italian roll. I grew up on Italian hoagies and cheesesteaks, and I never really appreciated the sandwiches until I had them on a sturdy Italian roll. Soft hoagie rolls are too flaccid (SHUT UP). But if you get a good crust on it and get a nice crunch upon biting, then yeah, you're gonna have a real good sandwich.
@HammerDialetic is back for the third time, asking why his light English muffin tastes like #buttstuff.
Because you're eating a light English muffin?
@thebillymac300 is trolling me, but I'll take his question anyway since he can't beat me in fantasy football. He asks what camp Undertaker should join to work on the fundamental flaws of his triangle choke.
I think he needs to hit up Archibald Peck and get the camp info for the Overcompensation Station out in Nevada.
@dskalba asks how I think CM Punk's title reign should end.
In the middle of the ring, tapping out to the LeBell Lock after a 35 minute main event masterpiece against Daniel Bryan. It certainly shouldn't end at the Rumble to The Rock, and it certainly shouldn't ever end to John Cena. I will accept Ryback at Mania, or maybe even Brock Lesnar if Lesnar is going to work more than two dates in a whole year (read: it shouldn't be Lesnar). But definitely not The Rock and definitely not Cena.
@Tvs_Tim_Biewald asks who my picks are for the Stanley Cup Finals, and why.
I'm even more undereducated on the NHL this year than normal, because the lockout fucked me up in the head. It usually takes me until the All-Star Break to get a feel on the league (and that's true for the NBA and college basketball as well). I didn't even know there were free agents left on the market. Did you know PK Subban still hasn't signed yet? That's nuts, man. Anyway, shortened seasons always have craziness, and I can think of nothing more crazy than teams who cruise during the regular season making a playoff run, what with the rash of low seeds making runs in the playoffs. So yeah, I'll take the Vancouver Canucks in the West and the New York Rangers in the East, with the Canucks winning in six games. Again, crazy shit happens in a short season.
@fte88 wants to know what kinds of books I read, and what I'd recommend.
I do most of my reading on the Internet lately. I think the last time I read a book, I wasn't even married, and it was a book about the Templars. You'd think that I should rectify that, but I have an addiction to visual media. But that's not to say I haven't read any good books. I'd recommend Moneyball, because that's a really good look into the infancy of the SABR movement in front offices and the best explanation of why it's just not for nerds. Fiction... man, I don't remember the last really good fiction title I read outside of graphic novels, which I'd recommend EVERYONE should read Watchmen. Even The Lord of the Rings, which has a good book buried in the overly effusive prose about the foliage, but man, you'd get a better idea of what Tolkien was trying to say through Peter Jackson's interpretation of it on celluloid. So yeah, just read Watchmen if you haven't already.
@JohnJohnPhenom has a series of questions. First up, he wants to know what my guilty pleasures are, noting most people consider wrestling their guilty pleasure.
First up, I would never consider wrestling a guilty pleasure. I'm out and proud as a fan. I really don't have guilty pleasures per se because I like to stand behind my likes, but the two that come closest are probably pornography and Pokemon. The former is simple. I know it's degrading, but I just can't quit watching it. The latter seems to be a lot more socially acceptable lately, but it's still kind of a kids' game.
Second, he wants to know if I share his outrage over USA not showing the entire Friday trilogy after RAW.
Because USA is WAISIS.
Taking a small break, DDS site photographer Gregory Davis wants to know why a Kickstarter for a public access TV show would use already-aired footage for their telecast.
Because I'm pretty sure that the number of smart people doing public access isn't that high.
@JohnJohnPhenom's back asking what the dumbest extreme sport is.
Buzkashi. By far, buzkashi is the least intelligent extreme sport, because it's an extreme sport that you put your life in your hands to play. LITERALLY. It's one thing to do something death-defying with all the proper safety measures, but do you think a bunch of Central Asians with whips driving a goat carcass towards a goal give a flip about safe play? FORGETABOUTIT.
TWO PART QUESTION from the magnificent Lobster Mobster, @LegKickTKO, which wrestler from now would I implant in a time machine and send back 30 years, and which wrestler from 30 years ago would I bring here.
Okay, my answer to the first question is cribbed from Bill Bicknell (nee, Baconhill), but it's RED BELLY... err Wade Barrett. He said that Barrett could use the seasoning one gets from bouncing around the territories, and I agree. He has looked a lot better in the last few months since returning, but he's also been working a ton with Sheamus, so there's that.
As for the guy I'd bring in from 1982, give me Harley Race. Sure, the man was at the end of his career, but give him six months of modern medicine to let him rehab? Give him another five-ten years in his career to wrestle against the UNPRECEDENTED level of good-to-great wrestlers both in WWE and the indies? He might end up becoming one of the great old-guy wrestlers ever.
One last question from @JohnJohnPhenom... why are koalas born with STDs?
Because koalas think Valtrex is for nerds.
Another from @Heinekenrana, if I could tell a wrestler to stop doing a stupid thing, which one would I select?
There are a lot of guys out there who do stupid shit. So it's a matter of whether I'd waste my free card on The Rock, whose misogyny is less severe but more widespread, or Scorpio Sky's more virulent homophobia on an independent level. Eh, how about I yell at everyone for having hateful attitudes and just to be decent to people rather than think what they do in the bedroom or what kind of genitalia they have.
Another one from @BrandunKyla, what should El Generico's WWE finisher be, given that it won't be the BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Well, I'd say look at his signatures and pick, but at the same time, Antonio Cesaro's Neutralizer is a totally new move for him. None of his signatures seem to be a fit for WWE. He can't do blue thunder, because John Cena does it (way way worse bee-tee-dubs). The corner yakuza kick could be good, because WWE loves impact finishers. A non-buckle brainbuster might work too, but I'm not sure WWE thinks its fans would get the difference between a suplex and a brainbuster. So put my money on the corner yakuza kick as his WWE finisher.
@wildvulture wants me to look into my crystal ball and prognosticate what I think is in store for the Prime Time Players in 2013.
I love the PTP, and I think Darren Young may be the most underrated wrestler in the entire world right now. That being said, they're stuck in limbo. To WWE, a "tag division" means two teams feuding over the belts and the rest of the teams sort of in the background as filler for Main Event or Superstars. We've seen it with the Usos, a legitimately charismatic team that actually wrestles in great matches on the reg. If they have no hope, then what does the PTP have? I'm not getting my hopes up.
@D_Nuggets asks who has the better dark horse case to win the Rumble, Daniel Bryan or Dolph Ziggler?
It has to be Ziggler, not because he's more on the cusp than Bryan, but because he doesn't seem to have a ready made story. Bryan seems to be linked with either the Tag Team Championships or Kane for Mania. Ziggler? He's floating in limbo. So if they want to go another route than Cena winning the rumble, then it would be more Ziggler than Bryan, I think.
Another one from @BrandunKyla, what is it going to take for more people to book Matthew Palmer?
It's one of two reasons. Either Palmer isn't getting his name out there, or Austin is still more of a blind spot for the national wrestling scene than we're letting on. I think in this case, Palmer's gotta be the one to get his name more out there, because as we've seen with most promoters not named Drew Cordeiro, most guys booking promotions wait for the word to come to them, not the other way around. But I do agree, he'd rock the house in places like AIW or PWG.
A lot of multiple questions tonight, because @LegKickTKO asks if I were to open up Holzerman's Diner, what dish would it be known for?
Well, it depends. If I were the head chef, it would be Linguine alla Tomasso. It's a linguine, sausage, and asparagus dish. Basically, I brown hot Italian sausage and add some flour to the fat to create a roux. I add in heavy cream to make a sauce, and flavor with grated Parmesan cheese. Simultaneously, I lightly steam some asparagus before chopping it up and putting it in the sauce. I let it reduce before adding in some parboiled linguine. After the linguine is fully cooked, I plate. I haven't made it in years, but it seems easy enough.
Now, if it were my wife as head chef (which is more likely), it would probably be her spinach-and-prosciutto lasagna with blush sauce, which is GODDAMNDELICIOUS.
@Tvs_Tim_Biewald again, this time with why I hate MMA.
Okay, I don't hate MMA. Hate is far too strong a word. In theory, I should like it because it's real wrestling, but because it's real, a lot of what makes wrestling great is shuttled for clutching, grabbing, stalling, and a lot of the other boring tactics that make for good fighting but bad theater. Plus, I resent a lot of the wrestling writers who cover MMA on their wrestling sites, and the MMA fans who snub their noses at wrestling fans because what we like is "fake".
@DiazIsOldMate, my Aussie bro, asks which active wrestler from any company I'd most want to have on The Wrestling Podcast.
Daniel Bryan. Duh.
@mjones99 ponders whether Bo Jackson was the greatest athlete of all-time.
I think medical advances and nutrition have the potential of an athlete be that much greater than it was even 25 years ago in Bo's heyday. Relative to his time period? I think his ability may have been a bit overrated because he played two sports somewhat well. I'd argue Michael Jordan in team sports and a lot of guys in Olympic sports at the time might have been better. Right now, a guy like Robert Griffin III makes Bo Jackson look like Craig "Ironhead" Heyward.
However, that isn't to take away what Jackson brought to the table in both the arena of play and off the field. I think his was more a triumph of the wills, because at the time, no one tried to play two sports before he did. Yeah, he wasn't as good as at baseball as he was at football, but let's not pretend that he was some turd in the punch bowl. According to Fangraphs, he averaged 2.2 WAR for his four full seasons with the Kansas City Royals, which is pretty darn good. So yeah, I wouldn't call him the best athlete, but what he did was damn impressive.
@chudleycannons wants to know if we really want to see title unification, especially if it means that Antonio Cesaro and Alberto del Rio wouldn't have titles anymore.
My counterargument to this is that what does being the World Heavyweight Champion or United States Champion (or Intercontinental Champion) even mean nowadays? WWE has way too many belts, and with their lazy-at-times booking, the people holding the belts end up getting bad treatment anyway. How many times does Sheamus have to beat Wade Barrett in non-title matches before we don't take him seriously enough? Unification wouldn't be enough though, but it would help.
Trey Irby of the Crimson Mask/Long Tide podcast wants to know which three WWE wrestlers I'd re-tool in order to get their careers a jump-start.
1. Michael McGillicutty seems like the first one. I'd rebrand him under his real name, Joe Hennig, but rather than rehashing his dad's "Mr. Perfect" gimmick, I might style him after his grandfather, Larry "The Axe" Hennig, at least in the ring. As a character, I'm not sure what kind of gimmick or character traits he could portray, but anything's better than Jerry Lawler pointing at him and calling him boring, right? Hell, if they were smart, they could have him come down and help The Rock if The Shield happened to show up at the Rumble, but no, that'd be too forward thinking.
2. Justin Gabriel is another former Nexus member who is now floating freely in space now that his tag partner, Tyson Kidd, is out with an injury. He needs some kind of character other than "looks boyishly cute." The easiest trope to stick him with would be to have him be the new Evan Bourne. He does his finisher against guys like 3MB, the Prime Time Players, or Primo/Epico, get his ass kicked against main event type dudes but never give up the fight, and then have showcase matches against the Antonio Cesaros and Cody Rhodeses of the world for the secondary belts. It's simple, but it'd be effective. It has been for years.
3. Finally, I'd turn Zack Ryder heel, surround him with Curt Hawkins and at least one or two other flunkies, and turn from a stylized-broski into an old school greaser-type gang without the blatant hokeyness that they saddled with Deuce and Domino.
@Kenzaki24 is piggybacking off LOBSTER MOBSTER's time travel question and asking the same about bookers/announcers/NPCs.
I'd send Jerry Lawler back in time, just so 1983 Jerry Lawler could smack some sense into him. As for the guy I'd bring back, it would probably be Gordon Solie, because the man is the best announcer of all-time.
@GayWrestlingFan is concerned about the backlash against Chikara, and wants to know if this is the beginning of the fall of the company or whether people are just being annoying and entitled.
Look, the more popular a company becomes, the more critics they amass on the Internet. It's not a judge of their quality no more than the legions of people who hate on WWE is a judge of their quality. That's not to say that either WWE or Chikara or any company is good or bad independent of criticism. You have to internalize what those criticisms are, see if they're valid, and then judge for yourself.
Personally, I think Chikara's on a creative high right now with the potential to go even higher. Will they? I'm biased towards thinking they'll succeed. But if you think Chikara is slipping, use your own brain to do that and not the enumerated number of people who have problems with it.
@BeerBaron4Life wants to know if there'll ever be another sumo like Yokozuna again, and whether it'll be a successful character.
Oh, I think the time is overdue for a big fat guy to come back and fill that void that has been curiously left since the mid-'90s. Would a sumo be the best way to fill it? Maybe it would, but it wouldn't be the only character archetype that could work.
That being said, (and I mentioned this to @robot_hammer yesterday) I'd love to see a British sumo character with a deep cockney accent and flared-out thick mutton chops named Blokeozuna to take the scene. I don't know why, but that seems amusing as all get out to me.
Finally, Eamon Paton of WrestleFan Writes asks whether John Cena sucks, right? RIGHT?
He sucks harder than a million leeches on a blue whale.
First up, Scott Holland of Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object asks whether an ESPN-style "Bottom Line" ticker at the bottom of the Royal Rumble telecast would enhance the viewing of it.
In sport, I think the Bottom Line is a great idea because of the lulls in the action. In any other setting in wrestling, it could be good too, mainly because of the rest holds needed. However, for the Rumble, I'm not entirely sure I'd be on board with that. The Rumble match itself is about as jam-packed with action as you can get, and I say that knowing full-well that there are the lulls in it where guys are just standing around, stomping dudes in corners and trying to leverage people over the ropes badly.
That being said, when Randy Orton is pulling out his bouquet of headlocks, there's no danger of the guy in them to tap out and lose the match. However, in the Rumble, you never know when there is going to be one of those guys actually going to the floor, even on a most awkward-looking rope dump. Also, I've noticed that they've gone away from the traditional format over past few years and started doing a much more quickly-paced Rumble based on individual story strains. The match is changing, and whether you want to argue it's for better or worse, it's seemingly allowing for more of a quicker, frenetic pace than the old, Pat Patterson-produced matches.
So when you have to pay more attention to the match action, you have less time to glance at the bottom for any distraction. So no, ixnay on the Bottom Line for the Rumble.
Certified Wrestle Bro @HammerDialetic has been packing his lunches lately and wants a validating opinion as to whether Muenster is the definitive sandwich cheese.
Well, I've had plenty of sandwiches in my day with the whole gamut of cheeses. Since I'm assuming this is for cold sandwiches with no melt, then Muenster is in the conversation. In fact, it's probably in the top three with Swiss and sharp provolone. The problem is that all three cheeses serve different roles. Swiss pairs well with milder meats like turkey because it's so nutty and fragrant. It's able to jack up the flavor profile, and thus elevate the sandwich. Sharp provolone is needed against some of the heavier cured Italian meats, because a milder cheese will be punchless. However, turkey and the Italian sandwiches with a deeper cure are rarer. Muenster has the creaminess of American cheese without the overbearing tang. It's mild with subtle flavors that pair well with any meat. So on that consultation, I'd say I agree. Muenster is King.
@BrandunKyla asks what independent promotion is poised to have the hottest 2013.
There are several candidates. ACW loses a lot by not having Rachel Summerlyn around and losing ACH to the national scene. Will a heavier dose of the Submission Squad, Bolt Brady, Athena, Barbi Hayden, and JoJo Bravo help offset that loss? I wouldn't bet against them, but going forward, I think they're behind the 8-ball. PWG is right now assembling the most monstrous of monster dream cards for All-Star Weekend 9, but I have concerns about them that I'll address on Cageside this coming week. AIW could turn some heads, as could AAW, but we'll see.
Chikara seems to be a name to toss in each year, and given that we're on the resolution/denouement side of their dual-year cycle, we could be in for a wild ride. Still, the nationalization of the product might homogenize it a little bit. I don't want to bet against them, but as a pseudo-national promotion, they have less a license to flex creative muscle in theory. Sure, there's a chance Mike Quackenbush could say "I don't give a flip," and continue to shoot for the stars, but I think that's what the Wrestling Is movement is for. It's for the same roster to try some new things and get some new ideas into the fold (Heart with Billy Roc, Fun with Dasher Hatfield, Respect with Delirious, Art with Colt Cabana, Awesome with ???).
Of all of those, I'm gonna go with Wrestling Is Art as the one to watch. I want to see what ideas Cabana and Quack come up with there, and they've got my attention with match choices. Quack/Cabana is safe, but they've already have Quack/Drew Gulak, Cabana/Tim Donst, Cabana/Green Ant, and Quack/Jaka matches booked for their first two official shows. I really think the confluence of ideas and roster in that individual promotion could make it the one to watch in 2013.
In a similar vein, @Heinekenrana wants to know a wrestler I like that not a whole lot of people know about.
The answer to this question is going to depend on "Who is someone not a whole lot of people know about?" It's not going to come from the Northeast, Rust Belt, Austin, or Southern California. It's either coming from the South or Missouri (which is technically SEC country anyway). Personally, it's one of two guys.
If you missed the cup of coffee he's had on Impact and haven't gotten a full taste of what he can do through his cameo appearances in Resistance Pro, EVOLVE, and ECWA Super 8, then the answer is Kyle Matthews. Every time the guy shows up on YouTube, he is regoddamndiculous. He's an eminently versatile worker with loads of understated charisma and a knowledge of how to hybridize old school Southern-style with the modern indie flairs we all know and love.
If you do want something deeper, then look for Fred Yehi. The Bonafide one is a backyard vet who transitioned into the legit world of pro wrestling in late 2011. Since then, he's mostly been wrestling for the Platinum Championship Wrestling/EMPIRE Wrestling dichotomy (from what I can gather, there was an invasion angle), and he's had some pretty spiffy matches. He even wrestled Davey Richards, which you can take or leave depending on your thoughts on DR (I haven't seen the match yet). But yeah, that kid's got future, and if you can, seek him out on the YouTubes.
@czach1r wants me to book a hockey HOSS FIGHT without resorting to inserting Zdeno Chara.
Goddammit, I had to do research for this. Anyway, Dustin Byfulgien is my first choice. Standing at 6'5" and weighing in at a robust 265 lbs., the man is mountainous for a hockey player. My second choice would be Todd Bertuzzi. Now, I know what you're saying. The guy is only 6'3" and weighs in at a shade under 230. However. that's kinda big for a hockey player, plus the dude almost legit killed a guy on the ice. He strikes me as a Ryback type. Not the biggest or tallest, but a dude who has size and knows how to throw it around.
Of course, this goes without saying that this should happen in a wrestling ring and not the hockey ice. I've grown tired of hockey fights, but that might just be me being a giant dork in my old age.
Noted Mr. Met doppelganger @KMB2476 ruminates whether last year's Mania debacle actually ended up helping Daniel Bryan more than hurting him.
I don't think there's any question that it helped him more than hurt him. Honestly, this is the biggest triumph of fans over office mindset that I've ever seen in WWE history. I don't think it's even close. We were all pissed off about the 18 second "match" to the point where the fans who were there hijacked the rest of the show and RAW the next night. Then those fans influenced everyone else to chant YES and make Daniel Bryan into a folk hero.
I understand the rationale that not letting two of the best four or five wrestlers in the company have a long match really deflated the rest of the card. However, the silver lining in that cloud? It was really goddamn silver if you ask me. Sterling.
@robot_hammer has put me up for some predictive positing, as he wants to know who my pick is to win the NXT tournament for a spot in the Rumble.
Well, before I get to the task of picking a winner, let's run down the names, shall we? There's Xavier Woods (Consequences Creed), Luke Harper (Brodie Lee), Adrian Neville (PAC), Conor O'Brian, Corey Graves, Bo Dallas (nee Rotundo, aka IRS's kid), Oliver Grey, and Leo Kruger. Kruger's a big flippin' deal down in NXT/FCW, as he's held the belt before. Dallas is another big prospect from what I know. But I think if we're looking at viable winners to make a mark in the Rumble match (and believe you me, if WWE is making a big deal out of a NXT guy, it's to make a mark, not to be Santino/Bushwhacker Luke/Warlord), then there are only two choices: Neville and Harper.
If the aim is to have an elimination dodge in the vein of Kofi Kingston or John Morrison, then the answer is Adrian Neville. He's the Man That Gravity Forgot, so he'll find some way to patrol the outside of the ring without having both feet touch the floor. If they want someone to come right in and Diesel that shit up, it's Luke Harper. Not only will the Big Rig hoss dudes out of the ring, he'll do it with a serial killer's look in his eye, one that'll make people remember his name, his face, and his crazy-ass beard. I'll flip a coin and say they'll go pyrotechnics over evisceration and say Neville gets the spot.
Newly minted TWB staffer and SoCal DJ LEGEND Butch Rosser asks which two wrestlers I'd put together in a buddy cop comedy.
The way-too-easy answer would be Daniel Bryan and Kane, so I won't go with that. So, let's go with an offbeat, independent answer and say Rachel Summerlyn and Portia Perez. Sure, their team name is "Team Havin' Fun," but we all know that Perez, behind the Sesame Street-festooned exterior, is still a curmudgeonly grouch with an old soul. Give me those two on a beat for 30 minutes each week or 90 minutes on celluloid, and I think I'm hooked.
Dirty Dirty Sheets head honcho Leslie Lee III is curious to know my favorite joshi match ever.
I've seen scant few joshi matches (or really any match that didn't happen on US soil), but the ones I have seen were pretty good to great. My favorite though was between Aja Kong and Manami Toyota from 11/20/94. It was a classic David/Goliath matchup where Kong kept stiffing the hell out Toyota, but the Greatest kept giving it back to her, namely in the form of dropkicks out the wazoo. Plus, THAT POWERBOMB.
My second question from a Mets fanatic comes from the indomitably spirited @metschick, who wants to know what my favorite beer is.
I'd say this is like asking who my favorite child is, but I only have one kid right now, so it would be disingenuous. I know at one point, I had a running power poll where I named Ommegang's Hennepin saison farmhouse ale as my favorite beer, and believe me, it's goddamn good. However, since I vacillate like chimes in swirling winds, of course I have to name a few other contenders. First is Guinness Draught Stout, which is my safe beer. It's the brew that probably more than anything else shaped my outlook on beer-nerdery. Another two Dogfish Head Burton Baton Imperial IPA and their Raison D'Etre, which are both fantastic Belgian-inspired beers. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale, a beer which I seem to be the only fan in the world of. But yeah, the point is, I really like beer, don't I? Sorry for Peter Kinging it here. Let's give a concrete answer as the Hennepin, because it is kinda awesome.
@HammerDialetic is back again, this time asking what my favorite, non-Canton, OH Eugene Debs speech ever is.
That promo he cut before his 120 minute draw with George Hackenschmidt in Elmyra, NY. Wait, Debs was an influential socialist politician and not an old-timey professional wrestler? WHO DOES THE GODDAMN RESEARCH AROUND HERE?
@el_spriggs has given me a veritable wrestling Sophie's Choice. I can only pick one titleholder of these three to retain Sunday. Which one shall it be among Alberto del Rio, CM Punk, or Antonio Cesaro.
Well, the easy elimination here is del Rio. While I love him as Champion, I also love the idea of World's Largest Teenager Big Show reclaiming his gold and sitting on his throne of bones until Daniel Bryan is ready to make him tap out. That leaves Punk vs. Cesaro.
On one hand, The Rock winning the WWE Championship would highlight everything that's wrong with the thought process in the company as it stands right now. Punk shouldn't be putting over roided-out movie stars with tendencies of insulting large swaths of the fanbase. He should be tapping out in the middle of the ring to Daniel Bryan... okay, or some other full-time guy not named John Cena. But Cesaro losing the belt to Miz would signify another huge problem in WWE's impatience with any story that doesn't involve a McMahon, a Cena, or a guy who used to be a draw for them back in the day.
So, which is the lesser of two evils? I guess it has to be Cesaro. If I had to choose between only one of those guys retaining, it would have to be Punk. It's for the good of WWE. Sorry Claudio, but Miz gets your title. It's for the best.
My ol' buddy from grade school, @Bdonn120, asks if I have good vibes going into the Rumble.
I don't think it's possible for me to be down on the Rumble. Like I wrote yesterday, even if I'm less than thrilled of a prospect of another Rock/Cena match at Mania, the Rumble match is almost always fun, and Punk/Rock should be a spectacle if anything. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Tag Title match is going to rock all our faces off. SO yeah, even if the finishes go predictably and terribly, the event itself should be a fun watch.
@BookSavvy is delving deep into the psyche of one TH and asking what my earliest wrestling memory is.
My earliest, earliest wrestling related memory has to be when I was a wee, wee lad in the mid-'80s watching the Rock 'n Wrestling cartoon. But if we're talking actual, in-ring stuff, it's definitely WrestleMania VII. A card that is historically panned compared to other of its Mania brethren, it is the one show that I can point to for hooking me as a wrestling fan for life. There was the Hart Foundation vs. the Nasty Boys, the Orient Express vs. Demolition, Hulk Hogan triumphing FOR AMERICA over Iraq (for a 10-year old boy, that's huge), and most importantly, the fall of the Macho King and the most important reunion in wrestling history, Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. So yeah, that's about as far back as my ol' noggin goes.
@el_spriggs is BACK FOR MORE and wants to know what Saturyne's first real feud should be.
I think that a feud with Mr. Touchdown would be great if his dance card wasn't punched already with Archibald Peck. I doubt their tilt during Chikara's opening weekend is going to solve anything. I do think she needs to have a feud sooner rather than later. In Chikara, I'm not sure what the right answer would be, but in WSU, I'd like to see her get into it with the Midwest Militia. Yeah, I know, her vs. Jessicka Havok would and should be a murder, but the point wouldn't be to have her in a title feud. It would be to get her into the fabric of the company and form an alliance. While her endgame wouldn't be the WSU Championship, her and, say, Lexxus or Kimber Lee, taking the Tag Titles from Sassy Stephie and Allysin Kay would be a cool story.
@OkoriWadsworth has a two-part question. First, what is my least favorite style of wrestling to watch?
I usually find value in any style of wrestling. There's a good way and a bad way to do any style. You can't really judge a style based on how well or poorly one wrestler executes it. For example, shitting on strong-style because Davey Richards sucks at it doesn't mean other wrestlers (Kana the best example I can think of) don't excel at it and make it look good.
That being said, there's one style of wrestling that's cringeworthy when it's done poorly, and that's the death match style. I've seen death matches or super hardcore matches done EXTREMELY well. For example, look at the lucha de apuesta tag match from High Noon. It was crazy, went all over the arena, and neither team had any bloodshed needed to drive home that there was SUPER EXTREME violence going on. Similarly, the only weapon that Lil' Naughty and Crazy Mary Dobson needed at Girls' Night Out 7 was the thumbtack. Granted, there were a million of them, but it was such a minimalist approach to hardcore. Plus, the blood was artistic and not excessive.
But I have a hard time watching guys assaulting each other with deadly weapons and bleeding buckets. I don't have a real world example of this I can point to, but the sequence in The Wrestler where Randy the Ram and Necro Butcher had their death match was extremely difficult to watch. Clips I've seen of the worst that CZW, Big Japan, or other death match promotions had to offer elicited similar feelings of sickness. I mean, bless you if you can stomach that style at its worst, but I like my hardcore in moderation.
Second, he's gotta know who my favorite Philadelphia Flyer is, all-time.
I started really paying attention to sport and hockey in particular in around 1990, so that nixes any of the Broad Street Bullies. Yeah, it's nice reading about Dave Schultz or Bobby Clarke, but I gotta go with what I know. With that in mind, my honorable mentions would be Simon Gagne, Danny Briere, Ron Hextall, Keith Primeau, Eric Desjardins, Claude Giroux, Sean Couturier, and of course, Eric Lindros. However, my all-time favorite Flyer has to be John LeClair. I always appreciated his goal scoring. Dude had a great all-around offensive game. Plus, he was from the US. I had his jersey too, the only hockey sweater I've ever owned actually.
@IRodC asks who the better booker is, Booker T, or Richard Greico from the TV series Booker.
As much as the Butabi boys might influence me otherwise, the answer is Booker T, SUCKAAAAAAA.
Yet another question from a TWB staffer this evening, this time, from Danielle Matheson, who wants to know my favorite bread for a sandwich given the backdrop of the popularity of the biscuit.
First off, biscuits are nice, but they're so totally not sturdy enough to hold a sandwich. They're better with a shitpile of gravy doused over them or with some butter next to a country or Thanksgiving dinner.
Now, I'm going to be a bit biased by my region, but there's nothing better than a crusty Italian roll. I grew up on Italian hoagies and cheesesteaks, and I never really appreciated the sandwiches until I had them on a sturdy Italian roll. Soft hoagie rolls are too flaccid (SHUT UP). But if you get a good crust on it and get a nice crunch upon biting, then yeah, you're gonna have a real good sandwich.
@HammerDialetic is back for the third time, asking why his light English muffin tastes like #buttstuff.
Because you're eating a light English muffin?
@thebillymac300 is trolling me, but I'll take his question anyway since he can't beat me in fantasy football. He asks what camp Undertaker should join to work on the fundamental flaws of his triangle choke.
I think he needs to hit up Archibald Peck and get the camp info for the Overcompensation Station out in Nevada.
@dskalba asks how I think CM Punk's title reign should end.
In the middle of the ring, tapping out to the LeBell Lock after a 35 minute main event masterpiece against Daniel Bryan. It certainly shouldn't end at the Rumble to The Rock, and it certainly shouldn't ever end to John Cena. I will accept Ryback at Mania, or maybe even Brock Lesnar if Lesnar is going to work more than two dates in a whole year (read: it shouldn't be Lesnar). But definitely not The Rock and definitely not Cena.
@Tvs_Tim_Biewald asks who my picks are for the Stanley Cup Finals, and why.
I'm even more undereducated on the NHL this year than normal, because the lockout fucked me up in the head. It usually takes me until the All-Star Break to get a feel on the league (and that's true for the NBA and college basketball as well). I didn't even know there were free agents left on the market. Did you know PK Subban still hasn't signed yet? That's nuts, man. Anyway, shortened seasons always have craziness, and I can think of nothing more crazy than teams who cruise during the regular season making a playoff run, what with the rash of low seeds making runs in the playoffs. So yeah, I'll take the Vancouver Canucks in the West and the New York Rangers in the East, with the Canucks winning in six games. Again, crazy shit happens in a short season.
@fte88 wants to know what kinds of books I read, and what I'd recommend.
I do most of my reading on the Internet lately. I think the last time I read a book, I wasn't even married, and it was a book about the Templars. You'd think that I should rectify that, but I have an addiction to visual media. But that's not to say I haven't read any good books. I'd recommend Moneyball, because that's a really good look into the infancy of the SABR movement in front offices and the best explanation of why it's just not for nerds. Fiction... man, I don't remember the last really good fiction title I read outside of graphic novels, which I'd recommend EVERYONE should read Watchmen. Even The Lord of the Rings, which has a good book buried in the overly effusive prose about the foliage, but man, you'd get a better idea of what Tolkien was trying to say through Peter Jackson's interpretation of it on celluloid. So yeah, just read Watchmen if you haven't already.
@JohnJohnPhenom has a series of questions. First up, he wants to know what my guilty pleasures are, noting most people consider wrestling their guilty pleasure.
First up, I would never consider wrestling a guilty pleasure. I'm out and proud as a fan. I really don't have guilty pleasures per se because I like to stand behind my likes, but the two that come closest are probably pornography and Pokemon. The former is simple. I know it's degrading, but I just can't quit watching it. The latter seems to be a lot more socially acceptable lately, but it's still kind of a kids' game.
Second, he wants to know if I share his outrage over USA not showing the entire Friday trilogy after RAW.
Because USA is WAISIS.
Taking a small break, DDS site photographer Gregory Davis wants to know why a Kickstarter for a public access TV show would use already-aired footage for their telecast.
Because I'm pretty sure that the number of smart people doing public access isn't that high.
@JohnJohnPhenom's back asking what the dumbest extreme sport is.
Buzkashi. By far, buzkashi is the least intelligent extreme sport, because it's an extreme sport that you put your life in your hands to play. LITERALLY. It's one thing to do something death-defying with all the proper safety measures, but do you think a bunch of Central Asians with whips driving a goat carcass towards a goal give a flip about safe play? FORGETABOUTIT.
TWO PART QUESTION from the magnificent Lobster Mobster, @LegKickTKO, which wrestler from now would I implant in a time machine and send back 30 years, and which wrestler from 30 years ago would I bring here.
Okay, my answer to the first question is cribbed from Bill Bicknell (nee, Baconhill), but it's RED BELLY... err Wade Barrett. He said that Barrett could use the seasoning one gets from bouncing around the territories, and I agree. He has looked a lot better in the last few months since returning, but he's also been working a ton with Sheamus, so there's that.
As for the guy I'd bring in from 1982, give me Harley Race. Sure, the man was at the end of his career, but give him six months of modern medicine to let him rehab? Give him another five-ten years in his career to wrestle against the UNPRECEDENTED level of good-to-great wrestlers both in WWE and the indies? He might end up becoming one of the great old-guy wrestlers ever.
One last question from @JohnJohnPhenom... why are koalas born with STDs?
Because koalas think Valtrex is for nerds.
Another from @Heinekenrana, if I could tell a wrestler to stop doing a stupid thing, which one would I select?
There are a lot of guys out there who do stupid shit. So it's a matter of whether I'd waste my free card on The Rock, whose misogyny is less severe but more widespread, or Scorpio Sky's more virulent homophobia on an independent level. Eh, how about I yell at everyone for having hateful attitudes and just to be decent to people rather than think what they do in the bedroom or what kind of genitalia they have.
Another one from @BrandunKyla, what should El Generico's WWE finisher be, given that it won't be the BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Well, I'd say look at his signatures and pick, but at the same time, Antonio Cesaro's Neutralizer is a totally new move for him. None of his signatures seem to be a fit for WWE. He can't do blue thunder, because John Cena does it (way way worse bee-tee-dubs). The corner yakuza kick could be good, because WWE loves impact finishers. A non-buckle brainbuster might work too, but I'm not sure WWE thinks its fans would get the difference between a suplex and a brainbuster. So put my money on the corner yakuza kick as his WWE finisher.
@wildvulture wants me to look into my crystal ball and prognosticate what I think is in store for the Prime Time Players in 2013.
I love the PTP, and I think Darren Young may be the most underrated wrestler in the entire world right now. That being said, they're stuck in limbo. To WWE, a "tag division" means two teams feuding over the belts and the rest of the teams sort of in the background as filler for Main Event or Superstars. We've seen it with the Usos, a legitimately charismatic team that actually wrestles in great matches on the reg. If they have no hope, then what does the PTP have? I'm not getting my hopes up.
@D_Nuggets asks who has the better dark horse case to win the Rumble, Daniel Bryan or Dolph Ziggler?
It has to be Ziggler, not because he's more on the cusp than Bryan, but because he doesn't seem to have a ready made story. Bryan seems to be linked with either the Tag Team Championships or Kane for Mania. Ziggler? He's floating in limbo. So if they want to go another route than Cena winning the rumble, then it would be more Ziggler than Bryan, I think.
Another one from @BrandunKyla, what is it going to take for more people to book Matthew Palmer?
It's one of two reasons. Either Palmer isn't getting his name out there, or Austin is still more of a blind spot for the national wrestling scene than we're letting on. I think in this case, Palmer's gotta be the one to get his name more out there, because as we've seen with most promoters not named Drew Cordeiro, most guys booking promotions wait for the word to come to them, not the other way around. But I do agree, he'd rock the house in places like AIW or PWG.
A lot of multiple questions tonight, because @LegKickTKO asks if I were to open up Holzerman's Diner, what dish would it be known for?
Well, it depends. If I were the head chef, it would be Linguine alla Tomasso. It's a linguine, sausage, and asparagus dish. Basically, I brown hot Italian sausage and add some flour to the fat to create a roux. I add in heavy cream to make a sauce, and flavor with grated Parmesan cheese. Simultaneously, I lightly steam some asparagus before chopping it up and putting it in the sauce. I let it reduce before adding in some parboiled linguine. After the linguine is fully cooked, I plate. I haven't made it in years, but it seems easy enough.
Now, if it were my wife as head chef (which is more likely), it would probably be her spinach-and-prosciutto lasagna with blush sauce, which is GODDAMNDELICIOUS.
@Tvs_Tim_Biewald again, this time with why I hate MMA.
Okay, I don't hate MMA. Hate is far too strong a word. In theory, I should like it because it's real wrestling, but because it's real, a lot of what makes wrestling great is shuttled for clutching, grabbing, stalling, and a lot of the other boring tactics that make for good fighting but bad theater. Plus, I resent a lot of the wrestling writers who cover MMA on their wrestling sites, and the MMA fans who snub their noses at wrestling fans because what we like is "fake".
@DiazIsOldMate, my Aussie bro, asks which active wrestler from any company I'd most want to have on The Wrestling Podcast.
Daniel Bryan. Duh.
@mjones99 ponders whether Bo Jackson was the greatest athlete of all-time.
I think medical advances and nutrition have the potential of an athlete be that much greater than it was even 25 years ago in Bo's heyday. Relative to his time period? I think his ability may have been a bit overrated because he played two sports somewhat well. I'd argue Michael Jordan in team sports and a lot of guys in Olympic sports at the time might have been better. Right now, a guy like Robert Griffin III makes Bo Jackson look like Craig "Ironhead" Heyward.
However, that isn't to take away what Jackson brought to the table in both the arena of play and off the field. I think his was more a triumph of the wills, because at the time, no one tried to play two sports before he did. Yeah, he wasn't as good as at baseball as he was at football, but let's not pretend that he was some turd in the punch bowl. According to Fangraphs, he averaged 2.2 WAR for his four full seasons with the Kansas City Royals, which is pretty darn good. So yeah, I wouldn't call him the best athlete, but what he did was damn impressive.
@chudleycannons wants to know if we really want to see title unification, especially if it means that Antonio Cesaro and Alberto del Rio wouldn't have titles anymore.
My counterargument to this is that what does being the World Heavyweight Champion or United States Champion (or Intercontinental Champion) even mean nowadays? WWE has way too many belts, and with their lazy-at-times booking, the people holding the belts end up getting bad treatment anyway. How many times does Sheamus have to beat Wade Barrett in non-title matches before we don't take him seriously enough? Unification wouldn't be enough though, but it would help.
Trey Irby of the Crimson Mask/Long Tide podcast wants to know which three WWE wrestlers I'd re-tool in order to get their careers a jump-start.
1. Michael McGillicutty seems like the first one. I'd rebrand him under his real name, Joe Hennig, but rather than rehashing his dad's "Mr. Perfect" gimmick, I might style him after his grandfather, Larry "The Axe" Hennig, at least in the ring. As a character, I'm not sure what kind of gimmick or character traits he could portray, but anything's better than Jerry Lawler pointing at him and calling him boring, right? Hell, if they were smart, they could have him come down and help The Rock if The Shield happened to show up at the Rumble, but no, that'd be too forward thinking.
2. Justin Gabriel is another former Nexus member who is now floating freely in space now that his tag partner, Tyson Kidd, is out with an injury. He needs some kind of character other than "looks boyishly cute." The easiest trope to stick him with would be to have him be the new Evan Bourne. He does his finisher against guys like 3MB, the Prime Time Players, or Primo/Epico, get his ass kicked against main event type dudes but never give up the fight, and then have showcase matches against the Antonio Cesaros and Cody Rhodeses of the world for the secondary belts. It's simple, but it'd be effective. It has been for years.
3. Finally, I'd turn Zack Ryder heel, surround him with Curt Hawkins and at least one or two other flunkies, and turn from a stylized-broski into an old school greaser-type gang without the blatant hokeyness that they saddled with Deuce and Domino.
@Kenzaki24 is piggybacking off LOBSTER MOBSTER's time travel question and asking the same about bookers/announcers/NPCs.
I'd send Jerry Lawler back in time, just so 1983 Jerry Lawler could smack some sense into him. As for the guy I'd bring back, it would probably be Gordon Solie, because the man is the best announcer of all-time.
@GayWrestlingFan is concerned about the backlash against Chikara, and wants to know if this is the beginning of the fall of the company or whether people are just being annoying and entitled.
Look, the more popular a company becomes, the more critics they amass on the Internet. It's not a judge of their quality no more than the legions of people who hate on WWE is a judge of their quality. That's not to say that either WWE or Chikara or any company is good or bad independent of criticism. You have to internalize what those criticisms are, see if they're valid, and then judge for yourself.
Personally, I think Chikara's on a creative high right now with the potential to go even higher. Will they? I'm biased towards thinking they'll succeed. But if you think Chikara is slipping, use your own brain to do that and not the enumerated number of people who have problems with it.
@BeerBaron4Life wants to know if there'll ever be another sumo like Yokozuna again, and whether it'll be a successful character.
Oh, I think the time is overdue for a big fat guy to come back and fill that void that has been curiously left since the mid-'90s. Would a sumo be the best way to fill it? Maybe it would, but it wouldn't be the only character archetype that could work.
That being said, (and I mentioned this to @robot_hammer yesterday) I'd love to see a British sumo character with a deep cockney accent and flared-out thick mutton chops named Blokeozuna to take the scene. I don't know why, but that seems amusing as all get out to me.
Finally, Eamon Paton of WrestleFan Writes asks whether John Cena sucks, right? RIGHT?
He sucks harder than a million leeches on a blue whale.
