Normally, I don't encourage the reckless abuse of alcoholic beverages... oh who am I kidding? Getting drunk is something I actually encourage as long as you know your limits and don't become an alcoholic. Yes, our lord and savior, CM Punk, frowns upon that sort of activity, but really, alcohol is needed in some situations. For example, if you're playing wingman for your buddy and have to keep his potential conquest's annoying and possibly unattractive best friend at bay so he can score? Yeah, you'd either have a high tolerance for mental anguish if you're the DD, but if not, yeah, you need some sort of legal intoxicant. One place where I think it's almost mandatory that you're slugging back beers watching TNA. It's the only way you can enjoy the product, unless you like seeing WrestleCrap before your very eyes. So, without further ado, here's my TNA Drinking Game:
Drink
- Whenever Eric Bischoff is on the screen
- ECW is referenced
- The nWo is referenced
- Hulk Hogan says "brother"
- The crowd "woos" at a Flair chop
- Anyone refers to competing or beating the guys "Up North" or making TNA #1
- Mike Tenay refers to a move by its initials and then less than a minute later says the full name of the move
- X-Division match goes less than 5 minutes
- Heel turn
- Anytime tag team dissention is teased
- Lacey von Erich botches a move
- Someone juices
- "It's real, it's damn real"
- Any match where a guy beats an opponent 15 or more years his junior
- A guy running in gets taken out immediately
- Any time the graphic urging you to follow Dixie Carter on Twitter pops up
- AJ Styles loses in a non-title situation
- The PPV main event isn't announced until two weeks or sooner than the actual event takes place
- Ken Anderson sneaks a peek at Christy Hemme's chest.
- Jay Lethal makes an appearance
- Someone over the age of 50 wins a major title
Chug
- If someone other than Bischoff makes an insider reference
- Taz unironically says someone "crosses the line"
- The crowd "woos" at Ric Flair cutting a promo
- Whenever a "This is wrestling!" chant goes up
- Tara pops out of her wardrobe enough to cause pixellation
- Backstage segments in Bischoff's/Hogan's office
- "Is that _______ here in the Impact Zone?"
- They show a crowd sign that denegrates the WWE or have a fan/plant get on camera and badmouth the WWE
- Anytime tag team dissention is teased in a team that's been together for less than two months
- Flair or Hogan juice
- Dixie Carter appears on camera in any storyline capacity
Finish a Full Drink
- If Eric Bischoff makes an insider reference
- Taz spoils the next segment with the subtlety of a baby seal clubber
- Whenever a "You still got it!" chant goes up for someone who clearly doesn't still have it
- Samoa Joe gets buried (again)
- Anytime tag team dissention is teased in a team that was just formed last week
- Brooke Hogan appears on camera backstage with a speaking role
- Kip James makes an appearance
Try it out next Monday, and if you aren't dead from alcohol poisoning or out of a job for showing up to work the next day still drunk, then let me know of your success story!
