Thursday, November 12, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 146

The Tittymaster in the main event of WrestleMania? You betcha
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I'm assuming this stems from the Seth Rollins injury, and with that being the case, I'm not sure anyone, even Vince McMahon himself, knew what was going on at Mania this year. But because I'm a man who cannot resist a good fantasy booking exercise, the following is how I would book WrestleMania 32, at least this week (operating under the assumption that Daniel Bryan is never wrestling for WWE again, sad face emoji):

  • WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Corporate Roman Reigns (c) vs. 2015 Royal Rumble winner Dean Ambrose
  • Triple H and Stephanie McMahon vs. The Rock and Ronda Rousey
  • Brock Lesnar vs. Cesaro
  • The Undertaker vs. John Cena
  • Champion vs. Champion Unification Match: Kevin Owens (c - Intercontinental) vs. Sami Zayn (c - United States)
  • WWE Women's Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) vs. Sasha Banks
  • Alberto del Rio vs. Kalisto
  • Bray Wyatt, Braun Strowman, Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan vs. Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, and BO DALLAS
  • WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Sheamus and Wade Barrett (c) vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass
  • Steel Cage Match: Charlotte vs. Paige
  • Pre-Show Andre the Giant Battle Royale: Big Show vs. Ryback vs. Bubba Ray Dudley vs. D-Von Dudley vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Darren Young vs. Titus O'Neil vs. Sin Cara vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kane vs. Jey Uso vs. Jimmy Uso vs. Konnor vs. Viktor vs. Stardust vs. The Miz vs. Rusev vs. Neville vs. Mark Henry vs. Apollo Crews
Some of those matches look like the ones that may happen at Mania. Others are pure self-gratification. But tell me that card wouldn't look goddamn stacked and worthy of the BIGGEST MANIA EVER.


Since the game only has six wrestlers, two will get byes. Kin Corn Karn and King Slender get lucky passes to the semifinals because the former sounds like royalty, and the latter is royalty. Fighter Hayabusa takes out Giant Panther in one semifinal, while Amazon upsets the StarMan in the other. Then, Amazon uses DEVIOUS TACTICS to low-blow Slender and lock in the Outlaw Choke, while Hayabusa defeats Karn in a hard-fought match in the other semifinal. The finals see Hayabusa land the back brain kick on Amazon before he's able to deploy his cheating to win the tourney, the Championship, and the adoration of all the fans shouting A WINNER IS YOU at him as the show fades to black.

This answer's easy: "Macho" Mike Haggar. I mean, the dude has crossover appeal AND he knows politics since he's won a mayoral election.

Only if I get an executive producer credit.

I'd say if you want it to be a weekly segment, you'd need to ask weekly; I'd be happy to oblige though. Last week's TweetBag saw me book TCU, Alabama, Stanford, and Michigan State into the tournament. TCU got exposed by Oklahoma State and now everyone realizes the team's best win has been against... uh, Texas Tech? Sparty got boinked at the last minute against Nebraska in controversial fashion. I'll stick with Alabama, especially after the Tide whooped on LSU, and Stanford. The next two up are Clemson and Iowa. Clemson showed a lot during its statement win over Florida State. Iowa's a bit trickier to get in, but I foresee the Hawkeyes running the table in the Big Ten West to get to the B1G Title Game against... Michigan? Sparty will lose to Ohio State and Penn State to close out a disappointing season, while the Wolverines are the first team to beat the Buckeyes since Virginia Tech last year. Then in RUDOCK BOWL 2K16, Iowa uses its knowledge of its former QB to gain an upperhand, stifling Michigan on offense and doing just enough to pull out the win. So, in order:

  1. Clemson
  2. Alabama
  3. Iowa
  4. Stanford

That Alabama/Iowa semifinal is going to do so much to advance research on time dilation, y'all.
Embracing analytics is a great start, and the team has a good core of players to move forwards into the future (Maikel Franco, Aaron Nola, the haul from the Cole Hamels trade, etc.). The first thing I want done is to do something with Ryan Howard. He can't play anymore, and he's taking up time from someone who could benefit from it, either from someone in the organization, or from Franco if he ends up getting moved to first. The same probably goes for Carlos Ruiz too. It's not that I don't like either guy, but they have to move on. Second, I'd like to see the team add Jason Heyward to a front-loaded contract. Earn that money while the team's still bad and then when he hits the back end, he's got a chance to play for a winner. Finally, I'd like to see the team send an official letter to the Washington Nationals making fun of them for choking and thanking them for taking Jonathan Papelbon off their hands. Not only would it rib the dumb team down south, but it should increase the team's OBP just from the intentional beanballs alone.

You're a glutton for the punishment, and that's why I keep you around.

If I had the book, the Young Bucks would kick Super Dragon in the dick and tell him to book more California indie talent and also not to be dicks and book the same fuckin' match All Pro Wrestling was banking on a week before it was set to present it. Oh, and Chris Hero would win the PWG Championship and tell everyone who called him fat to suck it.

If you wanted serious, then it would end at All-Star Weekend 11 with the bloody defeat of the stable at the hands of Hero, Candice LeRae, Joey Ryan, and Mike Bailey in Guerrilla Warfare. The stable would go their separate ways after realizing no one wants them dicking around anymore.

Photo Credit: TH

The odd thing is, I can only do it with my left hand. Then again, would you consider me normal?
Because WWE is steady hitching its cart to things that end up having cultural relevance but not in the way they want them to. WWE saw short-burst video was the thing of the future and got on Tout. Yet, Vine and Instagram Video were the ones to blow up. It partnered with one of the Daily Fantasy Sites  instead of doing their OWN thing and now they're both getting taken down by state governments. About the only thing WWE got right was its own over-the-top network, which thankfully is going to be its future.

Both together. You don't get to 330 lbs. without knowing a thing or two about snacking.

Honestly, I'm bored already with the John Cena vs. Alberto del Rio feud, and it hasn't even really started yet. It doesn't need the United States Championship either, that's for sure, so put together a six-pack challenge for the title at TLC. Cena vs. del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Neville vs. a returning Sami Zayn. Zayn would then win to put him on the path to unification with Kevin Owens at WrestleMania, and then del Rio and Cena could wrestle without the title hanging in the balance.

Absolutely yes, at least right now it would. NXT has times where the talent gets lean thanks to injuries and roster call-ups, but at the same time, it always has these peripheral characters floating around like Solomon Crowe (sigh), Tye Dillinger, Elias Sampson, and Angelo Dawkins. Wouldn't it be cool to give them some purpose while Creative finds out what to do with them? Like, put the title on a guy who has an established gimmick and fan following, and then let him wrestle against guys who don't so they can get cache and recognition so they can hit the ground running when someone does think of a solid character for them to play.
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