Thursday, May 24, 2018

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 236

Come, Meteor, Come
Photo via
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Earth has just been infuriatingly unlucky with astronomical collisions lately. Either that, or society has too few Sephiroths trying to gather materia to bring Meteor down to Earth. Someone get on that right quick, alright?

This one might be a bit above my paygrade because I've not been to an entire block of Southern or Midwest fast food joints. Like Bojangles, Zaxby's, Culver's... they're all foreign to me. This bracket will be incomplete, but I will do what I can to make it both agreeable and reflective of my personal experience, in reverse order:

8th Seed - McDonald's Mac Sauce: You can actually get this on the side now, and while it's just thousand island dressing, it's still a good accompaniment to anything the Big Arches offer

7th Seed - Taco Bell Fire Sauce: The mild sauce, although beloved by my son, doesn't do it for me, and the hot sauce is just the mild with more capsacin. But the fire sauce is where the flavor starts to come to down in addition to the heat.

6th Seed - Wendy's Sweet 'n Sour Sauce: The square burger folks get the nod over McD's and Chik-Fil-A here because of the three, theirs doesn't smack you in the face with sweetness while still providing that great contrasting note.

5th Seed - Arby's Sauce: However, Wendy's doesn't provide the tang that Arby's Sauce does. Then again, is it a sweet 'n sour sauce or a barbecue sauce? Maybe the line-straddling is what makes it so good.

4th Seed - Arby's Horsey Sauce: The dichotomy is that I mostly hate Arby's food, but it brings two key sauces to the table. Horsey sauce is great because it's bold enough to bring horseradish to the table, but wise enough to make it subtle rather than smack you in the face with it. How can fucking Arby's of all places get that nuance right?

3rd Seed - Taco Bell Diablo Sauce: Once again, the spice level gets kicked up, and the flavor profiles change enough to make it stand out. Yeah, it's not for the weak-stomached at all, but if you can get past the blast of spice, you'll find some great flavors to go with your pseudo-Mexican fare.

2nd Seed - Chik-Fil-A Sauce: Is it a honey mustard or a honey mustard amalgam? Who cares, it fuckin' slaps, but not as much as...

1st Seed - Burger King Onion Ring Sauce: I don't even know if they make this shit anymore, but back in the day, when they introduced it, it was really, really good. Again, the horseradish usage is key, but it added some other flavors in there to make it stand out from the normal horsey sauce. It's the tops in my book.

Scott, this feels too much like a TNA idea to me to buy into it completely, but I can't stop thinking about this kind of match, mainly because it so easily can segue into a hardcore match with a bunch of dudes carrying briefcases around trying to climb ladders with them. I'm not sure WWE should do it, because its corporate status and family-friendliness have nerfed the levels of violence it can go to, but other promotions might be better off exploring this idea. For example, Big Japan Wrestling, Combat Zone Wrestling, or Game Changer Wrestling would be able to explore the "violence" portion of this studio space, while Dramatic Dream Team would be able to make use of the abject silliness this idea puts forth. You might be onto something here, even if not for WWE.

The latter part of this question speaks to one of my big criticisms of the briefcase. Why does it have to be a ladder match? I mean, it's a match that's for stakes, but no one said that the stakes have to be physically manifested in a way that they are to be retrieved from height. What's stopping WWE from awarding said briefcase at the end of a tournament, a battle royale, or in a different kind of match with stipulations? In fact, going back to the first part of this question, perhaps the level of briefcase should decide how it's decided. The ladder match could be for the United States/Intercontinental briefcase, since ladders are most closely married to the midcard titles. The Women's Title one could be decided in a scramble match, because that division is still in its chaotic infancy. You could do a G1-style round robin for the top title, since New Japan has already co-opted the briefcase to award to its G1 winner. A Tag Team briefcase could come at the end of a gauntlet match. As for the Cruiserweight briefcase, well, maybe buy TNA's tape library and have Jeremy Borash lay out Ultimate X. Either way, I don't mind that kind of layout, even if you come dangerously close to heavily diluting the briefcase concept. But that's for a different question.

I share skepticism about Rhodes' intentions, especially since he always seems to speak so glowingly of Vince McMahon and his former corporate masters. I mean, if they were so good in the first place, why did he feel the need to leave and make a name for himself the way he has? The cynical read of this is to say it's always been a way for him to raise his stock on his own so WWE buys him back with even better intentions than the last time he was there. Drew McIntyre kinda did the same thing, although he was released from his contract by the office's decision and not his own. It's okay to be cynical. That being said, if the fruits make a better world for the rest of the workers who haven't been signed to WWE, then does it matter what Rhodes' intentions are? Unless he actively keeps the tools to continue the chain after he leaves for WWE again from those who might continue it, then it doesn't matter if he gets another contract or not. For as much as I critique Rhodes, I don't think he's that selfish. I think he definitely wants to help wrestling, not just WWE. His views on how to do it just aren't completely leftist, and that's okay as long as it gets some improvement for his peers who aren't signed to WWE.

Protected user @adamsgroove:
thoughts on ESPN snagging UFC for 5 years in the wake of Fox snagging SmackDown from USA?
It's really not surprising, especially given the push away from pay-per-view and towards over-the-top distribution and television. ESPN's gotta flesh out content for its own services, right? It's probably a roundabout reaction to Smackdown, but again, how much are pro wrestling and MMA alike? The timing might be coincidental or it might not be. I'm not sure, mainly because I really don't give a flying shit about UFC, MMA in general, or human penis Dana White.