Look at the Britches on ROH

#DemBoys looking to leave the roost and head to the big time, but the roost ain't lettin' em go
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Via PW Torch

Sean Radican of the Torch is reporting from several sources that WWE tried to sign Adam Cole and the Briscoe Brothers to developmental deals today, but they were blocked by ROH's enforcement of their existing contracts. This is interesting from a few angles. One, WWE is still scouring the indies for talent, which is a good thing. There have been rumors that they've got a bunch of DGUSA guys on their radar, and another rumor saying that Gabe Sapolsky will willingly let them out of their contracts to go (I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that Gabe's track record for taking fliers on new guys from different areas informing his confidence to replace them...). The choice of wrestlers here also says that they have good taste, as Cole and the Briscoes both bring to the table the tools that is required for them to succeed.

Secondly, it shows to me that ROH doesn't see itself as a farm system. In reality, we know that they're not a major competitor to WWE, but the fact that they act like it shows great moxie to me. I respect the hell out of that. Even if I'd rather see the Briscoes try to reinvigorate the WWE tag division and see what Cole can do with some FCW polish, the fact that ROH values them enough to keep them there and enforce the contracts they sign to me is awesome in and of itself. I'll be keeping my eye on this situation, because I doubt it's over, but yeah, ROH man, don't mess with them.

Well, I Still Think The Miz Is Awesome

I still like The Miz, even if I am the only one
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Miz seems to be in a lot of doghouses lately. If one believes the tenuous reporting of backstage gossip, he's had every arrow thrust at him from being blamed for the low Survivor Series buy rate to getting his ass reamed out by Triple H over failing to catch R-Truth. He also seemed to have called down the thunder of every ex-WWE wrestler on Twitter for not catching Truth. Fans jumped on his back for that transgression as well, although to be fair, Miz has had a long history of people detracting on him, even when he wasn't screwing things up so overtly.

Yes, no one seems to like The Miz lately except for, well, me. I have to admit, nothing that he's done or even more dubiously enough has been accused of doing backstage has made me back off my fandom for him. There was that weird period between WrestleMania and the formation of the Awesome Truth where I wasn't enjoying him as much, but hey, I think he deserves some slack for that. He got concussed at WrestleMania, had an utterly boring program continue with Cena and then had the lead weight known as Alex Riley strapped to him for a couple of months as a feuding partner.

When the fog in his head finally cleared up (and yes, I realize he should've gone to management and asked for time off after dropping the title, but what's done is done, I suppose), he started being awesome again. He found a character that suited him, implemented it in the ring and on the stick, and bam, along with unlikely ally R-Truth, he was reinvigorated. He found his edge again. That trend has continued until right now.

Even if he's being "de-pushed" (KSP actually makes an argument that being "de-pushed" in the modern WWE is an inevitability for most wrestlers), he's still firing on all cylinders. His pre-match promo was okay (he's had better even in the last six months), but the match itself with John Cena was incredible. Yeah, the short DDT was a lot on Cena overselling it like he was Shawn Michaels, but Miz didn't play around. Yeah, Miz lost clean, but really, who the fuck cares if it was a good match? Shouldn't we want clean finishes, especially when one guy has big plans for WrestleMania and the other, right now, doesn't?

Regardless of what anyone says, I still think Miz has it as a performer for me. He's still awesome. Yeah, missing Truth on that dive was bad. And yeah, I honestly know that Miz is not everyone's cup of tea. Regardless, I still look forward to his presence on the show, whether he's got something to do or not.

TWB EXXXCLUSIVE! Rock's Wrist Notes REVEALED

As we all know from Monday's RAW, Rock had notes scribbled on his wrist, allegedly to help him hit his cues for his promo. Here's the screen grab:

Screen Grab Credit: @TNA10Percenter

What did those notes say? Well, I have the EXCLUSIVE XTREEEEEEEM CLOSEUP! RIGHT HERE! NOW! LOOK:

The handwriting may be a bit sloppy, but here's the transcription: "1. Call Cena gay, 2. Catchphrases, 3. Get crowd to chant if stuck". And as it turns out, Rock did EXACTLY THAT Monday night. This has been an EXXXCLUSIVE SCOOP from The Wrestling Blog. Check back later when I'll have a link to a site that has upskirt photos of Mae Young. RACY.

Your Midweek Links: Leap Day Links

Awesome
Photo Credit: UPROXX

It's Leap Day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week.

Self-Shilling:

- Brandon Stroud stops by the podcast for his third run, but we end up talking mostly about Avatar: The Last Airbender [Episode 42: Bleed American Dragon]

- My latest for Cageside Seats, where I basically write a bunch of words saying how awesome Rachel Summerlyn is. BECAUSE SHE IS DAMMIT [The Indie Corner: Rachel Summerlyn and the Next Level]

- My latest for Fair to Flair on why being able to see the results of Elimination Chamber *sigh* coming isn't a bad thing [Predictability Is Hardly the End of the World]

Wrestling Links:

- If you read one link out of this entire list, make it this read by Boss Lady Rae about John Cena and Eve [Wrestlegasm]

- Eric Gargiulo looks at what-if WrestleMania main events positing The Rock not being there [Camel Clutch Blog]

- An oldie but goodie, Jesse "The Body" Ventura shilling for a liquor store [Youtube]

- Another oldie but goodie, a 1996 article on Mark Henry, powerlifting phenom [SI]

- Santino Marella flies in the face of what people traditionally consider "credibile" [The Wrestling Journal]

- Allison Danger opens up about her Womanist Revolution [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- The Rock is wrestling's Newt Gingrich [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

- A note for anyone who thinks Rocky's notes on his arm was a "shoot" [International Object]

- The Best and Worst, wherein B gives a match a star rating and we all die a little on the inside, even if that star rating was given reluctantly and facetiously [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Shithead banker leaves 1% tip for server and a message to "get a real job". Yes, because your job is so strenuous and honest. [Huffington Post]

- Want to teach your kids about racism? Read them this. [Buzz Feed]

- Jon Bois blows the cover off the NFL's new Wonderlic test [SB Nation]

- As a meme connoisseur, I approve of Captain Kitteh [UPROXX]

- The lamest MegaMan bosses ever [Gamma Squad]

- Jessica Nigri took some kick-ass photos of Mortal Kombat reenactors [Unreality Mag]

- The seven best NHL trade deadline deals ever [Puck Daddy]

- And of course this year's trade deadline was kind of a dud, but no one would've known that if they watched ESPN [Awful Announcing]

- Ryan Braun beat the system despite the fact that someone inside Major League Baseball has it in for him [Baseball Nation]

- More on Braun, even though he beat steroid charges, he won't beat confirmation bias [Fangraphs]

- Boston's clubhouse ban on beer is a victory for idiots everywhere [Deadspin]

- Fifty of the best fantasy baseball team names for this year. My favorite is Inglorious Bastardos, only because fuck you, I'm a Phillies fan [Athlon Sports]

- I won't lie, I really wish that some of these 19 foreign-available Pepsi flavors happened here in America [Buzz Feed]

- Rappers who are secretly or not so secretly nerds. Not listed is RDJ2, only because that would be cheating. [Topless Robot]

- 6 sequels that would've ruined classic films had they been made [Cracked]

- Probable morning after texts from the Oscars [These Fries Are Good]

- The annoying people who show up at your Oscar party [The FW]

- Here's the list of Razzie nominations... does it really matter who "won" them? [Pajiba]

The Best Moves Ever: Rolling Koppo Kick

Sometimes, the best moves aren't the most elaborate ones. Sometimes they're just punches or kicks that look really really cool, like one that involves a simple flying cartwheel, landing the sole of the boot to the victim's head. Sara del Rey does the koppo kick, but she probably took a cue from Jushin Liger. Then again, find me a modern indie wrestler of the junior heavyweight distinction who hasn't?

Wrestling Six Packs: Eddie Kingston Dream Matches

The War King tastes his gold, literally
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Eddie Kingston has wrestled a lot of people, a lot of marquee, high-end wrestlers even. He's been Chikara's go-to special guest opponent, taking on everyone from Austin Aries to Homicide, Tommy Dreamer to El Generico. His most recent dream match saw him taking on Mike Quackenbush for the right to become the first ever Grand Champion, a match he memorably won. Being the consummate performer, he's not done taking on all comers, as referenced by this tweet. I can't just give one answer, so here are six dream matches I'd love to see Kingston partake in. The first five are attainable, and that last one is the ultimate dream match, one that probably won't happen unless somethind drastic happens.

1. Sara del Rey

Honestly, there's a chance we'll see this match at some point in 2012. Last year was as dedicated to establishing the Queen of Wrestling as it was to crowning the War King, and if this tilt doesn't headline Chikara's final card of the year (High Noon II: NOON HARDER?), then it'll happen at some other marquee event. Just because it's an inevitability doesn't mean it's not also a dream come true. These are the two biggest stars in Chikara right now, and the atmosphere would be just as electric, if not even more so, than what it was for the Quackenbush match.

2. Finlay

Fit Finlay is over 50 years old, but he's one of those guys who proves that in wrestling, age ain't nothin' but a number. As a brawler, there are few that even now are his equal. He's had great matches in 2011 with Sami Callihan and Kevin Steen, and he's got a feud lined up in EVOLVE with Jon Davis. That's a fine lineup of opponents, but it's missing Kingston, with whom he might have the best matches.

3. Willie Mack

From the legendary foes to the new hotness, Mack will be making his East Coast debut at CZW's Best of the Best tournament this year. CZW is also a known home of the War King, a place where the man can indulge his more violent tendencies. Light tubes or not, if any future cards hold a Mack/Kingston tilt, I may be tempted to buy it on DVD or even attend it live. More preferably though? It's a match that I would love to see happen in Chikara.

4. Kana

Kingston said on Twitter that his own dream match would be teaming with the woman with the sexiest roundhouse kick in all pro wrestling against del Rey and Yoshihiro Tajiri. Screw that noise. Kana's a buzzsaw herself, and I don't think her teaming with the Last of a Dying Breed would be able to coexist without tempers flaring. Their personalities are too strong. If Kana's coming over to the US again, or if Kingston is going to Japan, this match is too tantalizing for them to waste it on them collaborating.

5. Jushin "Thunder" Liger

All the above matches would be hard-hitting affairs, bordering on brawls. However, there's an underrated portion to Kingston's game. He's actually a really good technical wrestler, as he showed against Quackenbush at High Noon. Liger is Quack's inspiration, so why not have Kingston take it to the next level? Some might scoff at this idea of being a great match, but I know Kingston is game enough to give Liger all he can handle and then some.

6. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

In the hash-tagged words of the War King himself, #shitisreal with this matchup. Like I referenced above, this match will probably never happen unless WWE drops its image obsession problem and signs the War King or Austin somehow convinces Vince that yeah, it's a good idea to let him wrestle one match in the indies. That being said, what if this did happen? What if the best brawler of right now took on the best brawler of all-time? The answer would be a sight to behold.

And before anyone says "Kevin Steen is missing", well, two things. One, that one's so obvious that anyone who doesn't think of it isn't doing it right. Two, wouldn't everyone much rather see Steen and Kingston team up and just destroy everybody and everyone in their paths? Yes? We're in agreement? Good.

One Step Closer to the E-Feds: How the "Real" Thing Is Mimicking Its Online Pantomime

Scenes from an e-fed
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last week, John Cena busted out his first promo for the build to WrestleMania with an attack on The Rock. This week, at the end of the show, Rock returned serve, only to be interrupted by Cena, who got in a mini-retort after Rocky's rambling. After Cena left, it was Rocky who shot in ANOTHER reply before the show closed. For those who are veterans of the e-wrestling promotions at FWrestling or A1E or any other common, promo-battle style e-fed, it probably seemed eerily familiar to how "matches" went in the prelude to their own shows. For ten years, I was in and out of these kinds of e-feds, scrapping and jawing with some great and not so great competition. We went back and forth at each other either for the approval of the head booker or in some cases, the rest of the roster who voted on match winners.

Now, obviously, the winner at WrestleMania isn't going to be determined by who does better on promos (although if I were booking this as an e-fed, there's no doubt in my mind that Cena is the leader in the clubhouse right now), but it's fascinating to see matches being built on promo wars between wrestlers. Nominally, in the past, it has happened like this, but the rate limiting factor has always been television time. There was no way that, say, Dino Bravo and Kerry Von Erich would have gotten the time to go back and forth dynamically for their WrestleMania VII match, but today, that's more than possible thanks to online content.

Every week on WWE.com, there is exclusive content of people cutting promos that give more insight into things they did, things they're going to do and matches that are upcoming. Granted, the promo battle ethos is only starting to take hold there, but the important thing to note here is that the capacity is being explored now. K. Sawyer Paul has argued for at least half-a-year now that the website was now becoming the hub for everything storyline in WWE. While this isn't completely the case, the direction is going more and more towards the online driving the narrative. With that being the case, there's more and more of an impetus for wrestlers to come out with promo material on each other, replying almost in rap battle style.

Even pushing the boundaries more, we could see some pretty inventive and creative segments taking place here that might be too esoteric for live TV. WWE has great production values, and their recent Youtube initiative means they're not afraid to spend money on straight-to-the-Web content. Could this mean that someday, an entrepreneurial wrestler or writer will come up with a skit where a tag team heads to Dudleyville to shop for tables for a TLC match like I did back in the early days of A1E? Well, I'm not sure they'd go that far, but I wouldn't be surprised to see something analogous come into play sooner rather than later.

Obviously, Cena and Rock got to play their promo battle on the big screen because they're the WrestleMania main event. Other big matches will get that treatment as well, both this year and in the future. But for the undercard? We've been clamoring for a way to build up other guys outside of the main event, and what better place would there be for them to connect with the audience than through the Internet? It worked before for Zack Ryder, so why wouldn't it work for other talented guys? The tired phrase "Internet fan" is tired because EVERYONE's online now, and word of bandwidth is like word of mouth on steroids. I see no reason why it couldn't at least be explored. Granted, for every Zack Ryder, there'll probably be a shitty, Midcard Mafia type that is so dumb, but the best thing about the Internet is that popularity and metrics are so easily measured through play counters, likes and comments.

As the future of how wrestling is promoted unfolds, it's uncanny how much it resembles the e-fed culture. Since a lot of the better e-promotions out there have great depth of story and nuanced character BECAUSE of the unlimited potential, I can only see this as a positive. Just as television changed wrestling for the better in the '60s and beyond, the Internet now stands as the new arena for wrestling to grow creatively and become the next thing it needs to become in order to do more than just survive, but thrive. Mimicking the dorks who started doing it first in print and written word is the start, but usually, great ideas often are executed from words written down somewhere, whether on paper or in cyberspace.

Congratulations, Mark Henry!

From Hall of Pain to Hall of Fame
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, for those who did catch last night while he was getting his wig split in the ring, Michael Cole mentioned that Mark Henry was being inducted into the International Sports Hall of Fame. I looked it up, and yes, this is totally legit. Henry is being inducted into the inaugural class with Jack Lalanne, Cory Everson, Chuck Wepner, Randy Couture and Arnold Schwarzenegger (!!). That's a pretty elite class, especially since Henry's so far removed from what put him there.

All of this just baffles me more as to how they're treating him on camera. As World Champion, he was actually moving business for Smackdown, and then all of a sudden, he's a joke. Of course, the change in treatment mysteriously coincided with his groin injury, but far be it from Vince McMahon and his corporate culture that has treated people who aren't white or male so well to punish a guy for wanting to take time off, right? Right? Again though, I have no idea whether those events correlate, but what I do know is that Henry deserves congratulations not only for turning it around in the ring, but for this honor. And if it leads to him splitting Arnold's wig at the induction ceremony? Hell yeah, it'll be all worthwhile.

The Chikarmy Invades Portland for RAW

Screen Grab Credit: Zia Hiltey

Hallowicked, Hydra and Delirious were spotted at RAW last night in Portland! Or that would be the headline if I wrote a HITZ-based dirtsheet. If anything, those fans deserve some brownie points for wearing Chikara masks at RAW. Then again, Portland is the Brooklyn of the West Coast, so maybe we should've been surprised that they weren't wearing something even more obscure? Like from Titanes en el Ring?

Instant Feedback: He Forgot to Mention Playboy Buddy Rose

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate for a second here. I'm not a fan of the no balls-Fruity Pebbles-haha gay gay gay gay shit that Rock is peddling as his main talking point here. However, wrestling is so far behind what popular culture is, or it's tapped into a vein of popular culture where that kind of thing isn't so much taboo as it is a major talking point. Go to any sporting event, any tailgate, any place where macho men (not Randy Savage) gather, and you're going to hear the same things Rock is talking about. It works for that crowd, and that crowd ate it up, so much to the point where liberal-minded people such as myself are going to cringe at it. That's not why the final promo didn't work.

The fact that Rocky entered The Reality Era isn't the reason either. Rocky not speaking in the first person, being stripped down, he's charismatic enough to get across his point, which, when he wasn't going all HAHA GAY GAY GAY, was compelling at least. We need to step back and take a look at what each guy represents here. John Cena represents what he thinks the fans want, someone who sticks around and entertains them. Rock fights for what the fans really want, but where the promo went bad? Yeah, Rock got away from what made him great. He gave the fans way too much, and it was just too much of this trending on Twitter, and that is what the fans are chanting. Hey, look at you guys, you guys are all cute and shit! Yay fans! Yay Rock!

Even if the live crowd ate that shit up (and live crowds are way different than TV audiences), it's not what they're paying Rock to come back and do. I don't care if he does the catchphrases or not, it should be Rock dominating the segment, not Rock giving a kernel and the crowd running with the rest of it. You know those live cuts of songs where the band lets the crowd sing the chorus? Yeah, I fucking hate that. I don't wanna hear 10,000 people sing off key and off microphone. I want to hear Eddie Vedder or Tom Petty sing. And like that, I want to hear The Rock.

That's what made Cena's response so much better. It was succinct. It was focused. It wasn't pandering. And hell, he diffused all the troll arguments that Rock made to him by accepting them sarcastically and denoting purpose. People want to rag on Cena all they want, but that's why he's a professional. That's why he's one of the best. When Rock is out there letting the crowd dictate his pace (and for all we know that was on purpose, although when Cena left, Rocky was clearly flustered), Cena is the counterbalance, and even if he's not the guy the fans want, he's the guy the fans deserve. It's how good wrestling television should work in theory.

However, that was only twenty minutes out of a show that ran 140. The rest of the show, the recap of the Eve bullshit from last week, was actually really decent. The beginning of the show was actually fucking awesome and totally dwarfed the impact of the last twenty. Chris Jericho and CM Punk just showed everyone how it was done on the mic, then Punk and Daniel Bryan (and AJ even) showed everyone how it was done in the ring. Then, afterwards, they tied together three different stories for the next month or so. It was a great bit of storytelling and wrestling. The Miz shone too on the mic and in the ring with Cena. Hell, that Miz short DDT on Cena was impressive on both ends and worth the price of admission (which for us was free... go fig).

Overall, a weird RAW, but enjoyable on the whole. Still, I can't help but feel that The Rock, of all people, needs to be focused more. Then again, maybe he doesn't. Maybe the point is that he's Hollywood and meandering and lost in his star power, while Cena is the wrestler. If that's the case, it'll be interesting to see how this plays out until WrestleMania.

PWG's World's Finest Has Predictable Drop-Out and Exciting Replacement

Last Tuesday, PWG had some news regarding participants for its next show, World's Finest. One competitor, for whom the event's name fit like a glove considering his standing in the indie world right now, had to drop out (via):

Unfortunately, Davey Richards will not be at World's Finest due to prior commitments in Japan.

This really isn't surprising given that he's had to vacate the PWG title and miss ROH iPPVs because of said prior commitments to Japan. While this is dismaying to me and cause for putting on blast by other indie fans, I will say this. Richards has to go where the money is, and the money is in Japan right now. It sucks, but that's the price that anyone has to pay for booking and putting titles on the American Wolf. That being said, they did get a pretty spiffy replacement for him (via):

Fortunately, Alex Koslov will be making his PWG return to replace Richards.

Neat!

Koslov was recently let go of his WWE developmental deal and FCW stint, and his first indie appearance will be for PWG like Colt Cabana. Unlike Cabana, he will be wrestling and he's not showing up at the show just days after he was abruptly notified that he was let go by WWE. Before packing for Tampa, Koslov was lighting up rings in Mexico for various lucha libre outfits, and as someone who wanted to see more of a lucha flavor to invade PWG in '12, this is a very pleasing development. His match hasn't been announced yet. The event will take place on St. Patrick's Day, March 17th, in Reseda.

Sorry Guys, This Weekend Belonged to the Women

One of the stars of the weekend, in her native habitat
Photo Credit: John Hyperion/Dirty Dirty Sheets

There was quite the bit of independent wrestling going down this weekend. More than a couple of promotions, Chikara being the most prominent (aside, I am going through serious Chikara withdrawal right now), ran shows this weekend. There were a lot of happenings, story advancement and big title matches, but the weekend didn't belong to the mystery assailants who assaulted the Chikara sekigun (more on that later) or Petey Williams or Silas Young or even Team FIST. It belonged to three women, all making their marks on Friday night.

The first was Rachel Summerlyn. For a name who has wrestled for ROH on TV and a SHIMMER mainstay, she's really not all that established with the Northeast crowds. However, when I say she's a big deal, she's a big deal, at least to fans of Anarchy Championship Wrestling she is (and not just for having fine assets if you know what I mean). She's among the most decorated and popular wrestlers in that promotion because she goes balls to the wall against all comers, male, female, hermaphrodite or ursine (well, maybe not the last one yet, but I'm bound and determined to get someone to book an awesome wrestler against a bear). Whether in yoga pants or soaked in her opponent's blood, she brings the goods. Austin knows this. Brandon Stroud, Sergio Hernandez and John Hyperion know this. But Northeast fans by and large don't.

That's why Summerlyn winning 2CW's Girls Grand Prix in Syracuse Friday was such a big deal. By going through three different women who have made it in the Northeast and in Ohio, including tapping Sara del Rey in the finals (!!!), she's pretty much told the biggest hub in indie wrestling that she's here and there's nothing anyone can do about it. That's fine by me, obviously. The limited amount of work I've seen from Summerlyn has been impressive enough that I'm hungry for more, and hey, I'm going to get more if ACW ever gets off their Texan tuchus and releases their first two shows from 2012 on DVD.

The other two women wrestled against each other in what was the hardest hitting match of the entire weekend. AAW in Chicago had a Falls Count Anywhere match between MsChif and Mena Libra. On one hand, the maxim of "Women work twice as hard to get half the respect" felt like it rang somewhat true here, as by all accounts, this was the kind of brawl that left jaws dropped and was better suited for the last match before the main event, not as pre-intermission fare. On the other, is card position really that important when two wrestlers lay it out on the line? The important thing is that they left their imprimatur on the crowd at 115 Bourbon Street. I'm sure most people who left there remembered Chif giving Libra the Desecrator off the bar through a table more than anything else.

While there was indie action for anyone who wanted it in so many different locales this past weekend, the unquestioned stars to me were the women. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to point this out, but we're not close to the point where we can stop referring to wrestlers by gender (or race or ethnicity) and just refer to all of them as wrestlers, part of a combined club where differences are measured in character and ability, not by nature and genetics.

OOOH YEAH, Always in Our HEARTS

Photoshop Credit: Mike Tunison

Every year at the Academy Awards, they do a montage of all the people who died in the last year. There are snubs every year, and this year was no different. Even though I'm not surprised they left him out, it's still pretty disheartening that "Macho Man" Randy Savage was snubbed. The man had acting credentials, appearing as Bonesaw McGraw in Spider-man and doing voice work for Bolt, and hey, pro wrestlers are actors who do their own goddamn stunts for 300 days out of the year. I don't wanna get into the game of "Well, they honored THIS person but not THAT one" because it's kinda shitty to say with any modicum of seriousness that someone shouldn't be remembered. Hell, I'm not even sure anyone can joke about it, as I found out last night when at least one person got butt hurt that I dared state in jest that their hipster god Steve Jobs shouldn't have gotten a mention. Because GOD FORBID ANYONE MAKE ANY KIND OF INSENSITIVE HUMOR OVER THE MAN WHO GAVE US THE IPOD AND THE IPAD AND THE IFLESHLIGHT (that last one may have been made up).

Either way, it would've been cool if Savage got a mention. Thankfully, the Twitterati and blogosphere did not forget the Macho Man. Photoshop whiz and noted dick joke football blogger Mike "Christmas Ape" Tunison gave us what should have been in the montage for our man Randy. And hey, if his fans remember him, that's a lot better than some Hollywood phonies remembering to honor him in the midst of jerking themselves off with a hand puppet and pretending it's a handjob.

And as for overall thoughts? I didn't see ANY nominated movie and only one nominated acting performance (Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids), but I'm happy The Artist won, if only because I think Jean Dujardin seems like a cool kinda guy, and because we got to see UGGIE! on stage. I love dogs.

Happy Birthday to The Man, WOOO!

The Man, doing what he did best, flanked by his running buddies
Photo Credit: WWE.com

One of the greatest, if not THE greatest professional wrestler of all time turns 63. I'm talkin' about that stylin', profilin', limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' and dealin' son of a gun of a 16-time World Heavyweight Champion, Ric Flair, WOO! Yes, The Man celebrates his birthday today, and as a pro wrestling fan, I feel like today should be at least a national day of observance. Yeah, he's fallen onto some hard times lately, and his impact on 'rasslin' these days might be a bit questionable, but c'mon, nothing can diminish what Flair has done in and for the wrestling industry in his over 40 year wrestling career.

So, here's to Naitch, The Man, the leader of the Four Horsemen and the Champ himself, Ric Flair. WOO!

WWE's Insider Term T-Shirts

Photo Credit: WWEShop.com

Via WWE Shop

WWE has released a new line of shirts called "Kayfabe" which feature insider terms and phrases on each item's front. I have mixed feelings about these shirts. On one hand, I love that WWE has recognized that insider terminology has gotten out. The toothpaste can't be put back into the tube, so they could have done one of two things. The first would be to continue to ignore their proliferation and as a company, have a policy that any mention of them by fans in the earshot of someone within the organization be met with extreme butthurt and intense scorn. The other would be to get out in front of the trend, own the terms, make money off them and then maybe develop new terms to use on the inside while taking care not to let them leak out and be used glibly by the dirt sheet writers and supposed "insiders" of the world. They took the latter, and that's ALWAYS the correct path to take.

On the other hand, anyone notice the level of craftsmanship on those shirts? Yuck, they're sub-Jersey shore boardwalk levels of sophisticated. WWE usually does a good job with their t-shirts in terms of making them feel worth the money spent on them. I might pay $10 off the rack for a shirt like that for kitsch value, but no way I'd pay $20 PLUS shipping and handling for them. That's just a bit too much.

Either way though, it's an interesting concept for merchandise.

Future Endeavors 2/22 Power Poll: Santino Rules a Your Face, No?

Too good not to post again, Angel Blue notwithstanding
Photo Credit: Rachel Summerlyn's Facebook Page, h/t Brandon Stroud

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Mirko Bro Cop PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. CM Punk (Last week: 1)
2. Daniel Bryan (8)
3. John Cena (7)
4. Santino Marella (Not rated)
5. Chris Jericho (9)
6. Triple H (4)
7. Undertaker (5)
8. Sheamus (NR)
9. David Otunga (NR)
10. Beth Phoenix (NR)

And now, my ballot:

1. Santino Marella - So what if he didn't win his Elimination Chamber match? He made Jim Cornette wheeze and have heart palpitations... no, wait, it wasn't Santino who did that, but the 5 Triple Baconators Cornette had for high tea? Makes sense.

2. Daniel Bryan - #RoleModel

3. CM Punk - Like I said on the podcast with Brandon Stroud, CM Punk has become a lot better/more tolerable/like his old, charismatic self from 9 months ago because Triple H has come back to take back his "take your balls out of your purse" material. Like Brandon compared, it was like daddy coming home and telling his kids to cut out doing a bad mockery of his behavior.

4. Harry Smith - I wonder how many people in attendance at the Resistance Pro show Friday asked themselves "When did Rhino beat Ezekiel Jackson for the ECW Championship?" when he whipped it out after losing to Smith in the main event.

5. ACH - Forget WWE. What does ACH have to do to get noticed by ROH? Triple rotation moonsaults? 1170 Degree Splash off the second rope? Hold up a sign that says "Hey Cary Silkin, I give great head"... on second thought, maybe that last one is a little inappropriate.

6. Chris Jericho - I for one would love to see Jericho eschew his title shot against CM Punk at WrestleMania for a chance to grapple a live bear. Why? Well, wouldn't YOU want to see Jericho put his foot on the chest of a brown bear, flex and go "C'MAWN BABY"? Thought so.

7. David Otunga - One could look at his continued beating of Ezekiel Jackson in one of two ways. One, it's WWE needing to have one African-American opponent beat on another one to get their jollies off vis-a-vis black-on-black crime. The other is they're huge fans of Carlton Banks, and are living vicariously through Otunga to give that character its proper due... yeah, I know, I couldn't type that with a straight face either.

8. Bully Ray - His calves are keeping him on my ballot. So impressive. Oh yeah, he's an effective villain in a promotion where everyone is varying shades of ruthless. But yeah, mostly the calves.

9. Beth Phoenix - Who in WWE figured out that when they put two competent female wrestlers in the ring for more than 3 minutes, they'd produce a good match? And did that person get demoted and then replaced by the person who came up with that terrible RAW open?

10. Mia Yim - Had I known about the yoga pants match before I sent in my ballot, this would've been a 4-way tie along with Rachel Summerlyn, Athena and Machiko.

Friday Five: Wrestling's Treatment of Women

Quite the eventful week in terms of women in wrestling...

1. What is worse part to you about the Eve angle from RAW Monday: that John Cena used the same ol' "Ew, slut" language towards her, or that the writing was so terrible that Eve made such an incongruously schizoid shift in character over three weeks?

2. Buy or sell: Intergender wrestling in the mainstream will only work to mollify fans' inherent misogyny because they'll just want to see women get beaten up even more.

3. Does the treatment of women in WWE make you less desirous to see the best female wrestlers in the indies make it big?

4. Buy or sell 2: The only reason why Kelly Kelly and the rest of the "models" aren't very good in the ring is because they don't get time to improve via longer matches/more meaningful and better written segments?

5. Is there anything close to a quick fix that WWE can do to improve its image and treatment of women characters?

Outside the Squared Circle, Episode 4: Jamie Girouard

Episode 4: Shedding a Single Tear for the Big East

Jamie "Jerseyboy" Girouard comes aboard to talk about the state of flux the Big East conference has undergone in the last year or so. We focus in on Rutgers, but there's talk about the utter madness of a bicoastal conference as well as travel nightmares and implications for the conference going forward. We bemoan the loss of some classic rivalries, discuss Greg Schiano and Rutgers' epic '06 season, and we close out with talk about grease trucks and fat sandwiches on the Rutgers campus.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure

And Now, Women Wrestlers in Yoga Pants

From left to right, Blue, Summerlyn, Machiko, Yim and Athena
Photo Credit: Rachel Summerlyn's Facebook

Because shit has just been too heavy this morning, I give you four of the most beautiful and talented women wrestlers (Rachel Summerlyn, Machiko, Mia Yim and Athena) of Anarchy Championship Wrestling and Angel Blue showing off their best yoga pants pose. They all wrestled or at least appeared at ringside with their yoga pants in one of the pre-show Televised (for Youtube) matches for ACW's latest card, The Show Must Go On. Brandon Stroud and I talked about it on the podcast last night, so I figured I'd provide some much needed levity for today. I always promise never to let levity get too far away, even if I have to say some serious things that absolutely need to be said.

And just to preemptively point out, no, it's not chauvinistic to find women attractive, especially when they're in yoga pants, which might just be the best thing ever. It's one thing to say that Rachel Summerlyn's ass looks fantastic in yoga pants (which is true). It's another to say that her ass in yoga pants is the only thing worthwhile about her. The former is natural, the latter is misogynistic. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE, HATERS.

h/t Brandon Stroud

The Elephant in the Room

CM Punk picked a fight with Chris Brown starting on Sunday. Brown beat his pop singer girlfriend Rihanna three years ago, but he has served very little to the public for his crimes and has shown even less remorse. He's very much deserving of having noted dickhead and sometimes social crusader Punk give him the what for over Twitter, even if Punk could be argued to be a jerk in this situation. Then again, being a jerk is a far, far, FAR lesser crime than being someone who uses fear and violence to keep people weaker than they are in line. That being said, Punk is a hypocrite in this situation. In fact, a whole lot of us are. There's an elephant in the room with wrestling fans that seems to be glossed over when it comes to this whole vilification of Chris Brown over domestic abuse, and it rests squarely on the shoulders of one "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

Many wrestling fans who are blasting Brown are just as fanatical about their fandom for Austin. Hell, Punk himself has been embroiled in a Twitter bromance with him over the last couple of years. Yet, Austin has just as much a history with spousal abuse as Brown does. It's the reason why Debra McMichael left him. Not a lot of people are quick to bring this up at all, and it's troubling. The thing is though, I can't really cast the aspersions myself either, because most of the stuff I've written about Austin on this blog has been glowingly positive regarding his career and his recent Twitter exploits. He's one of my favorite performers ever. This raises a lot of cognitive dissonance, because I know what he did was wrong, but I can't help but enjoy what he has done and what he might do in the future.

That being said, these things wouldn't be called dilemmas if they were easily swept under the rug. Also to keep in mind, maybe Punk knows something that we don't know. Austin has never served time for his domestic abuse, and I haven't seen a whole lot in the way of public remorse, which doesn't mean that he isn't remorseful. Still, it's not up to me to assume that he is sorry for what he's done, or that in his private life, he's cleaned up his attitude towards women. The only difference between Austin and Brown are the public outbursts by Brown, which have done nothing but temper the reactions against him. At the end of the day, neither has really shown that they were sorry for what they did, and yet Brown is the only one who is vilified by wrestling fans. Why? Is it because Austin's happened a long time ago and Brown's was three years? Is it because Austin's body of work is good and Brown's isn't? Is it a race thing? I have no idea, but no matter what the reason, it's a terrible double standard.

While being a hypocrite isn't nearly as big a crime as the ideological elite might say it is, I'm not sure having a double standard is something people should aspire to. For as much as Punk is lambasting Brown in public, he has a difficult decision that he needs to make. Either he needs to start attacking Austin for his past (which is probably not constructive), or he needs to work with Austin to help him either rehab his violent tendencies against other people (again, not just women... using fear and violence against the "weaker" is wrong regardless of gender) or to bring to the surface that Austin has indeed repented and become a better person. Until then, all this rhetoric against Chris Brown is empty.

Spousal abuse isn't something that just happens with people we hate. It's also not something that should be swept under the rug. Some might not expect better from wrestling fans, but we're all human, and we all should have compassion for those who are intimidated by the assholes of the world, whether those assholes are short-tempered pop singers or iconic pro wrestlers.

TWIOT: Short Political Rant

One of the things that infuriates me the most about politics in America (and believe me, there are a lot of things that infuriate me about politics in America) is that people don't judge ideas "right vs. wrong", they do it "right vs. left". It's almost as if the worth of an argument is calculated from the letter next to a person's name rather than what they're saying. If people want to know why we're as fucked as we are, that's the biggest reason.

Rather than nuanced debate over policy, we have pundits and politicians alike skewering things because they're part of a liberal or conservative agenda. So fucking what? There isn't worth in an idea because the other party believes in it? The only thing these bozos can agree on is whether to pay themselves more or not, which is the most blatantly infuriating thing about the whole process. Who else can give themselves a raise without the approval of their bosses? And no, Barack Obama is not their boss. The American people are the collective employer of Congress. So basically, we vote in people and pay their salaries via our taxes so they can bicker like they're some sort of more serious extension of SAWX VS. YANKS and then agree at the end of the day to give themselves an even bigger cut of what we take home.

Point is, we're all to blame for this. Not just the politicians, but the rank and file message board posters and Twitter users. Politics shouldn't be a team rivalry, it should be open discourse. Leave the bullshit aside and let's work towards real change, okay? Or would that be too hard, America?

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 42: Brandon Stroud III

Rachel Summerlyn in yoga pants:
Argument - INVALID
Photo Credit: Texas Anarchy

Episode 42: Bleed American Dragon

Brandon Stroud of With Leather is back for his third go-around as podcast guest, and boy does this one go off the rails. Thankfully for everyone involved, I personally love it when the podcast goes off track though, because it usually ends up as a good time. This is no exception. We start out discussion Elimination Chamber and the latest ACW event (featuring talented women wrestling in yoga pants - best of both worlds!), meander into a discussion on why the misogyny towards Eve is bad (hint, it has to do with impressionable fans) and then throw praise on the angle before the point where Cena dressed her down because wacky pro wrestling tropes kinda rule. We also discuss Bully Ray, Chavo Guerrero, CM Punk becoming good again and Sheamus as innocuous stereotype. We really get off track when there's a fully formed discussion on the TV series Avatar: The Last Airbender, including a sidebar on how terrible the movie adaptation of it was. Plus, there are plenty of references to food. Hopefully, it's as much a blast to listen to as it was to record it.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.

CZW Bringing ACH to the Northeast As Well

First it was Willie Mack. Now, CZW is bringing ACH to its Best of the Best Tournament. While ACH has done Boston for Beyond Wrestling and Cleveland for AIW, it's still pretty huge that he's doing CZW, especially if Best of the Best happens in Philadelphia this year. Either way, with Mack, AR Fox, MK McKinnan, Chuck Taylor, Rich Swann, Sami Callihan and possibly Uhaa Nation, CZW is not joking around with this tournament.

Bringing in Mack and then ACH before DGUSA or ROH says a lot to me about CZW's commitment to showing they're more than just ultraviolence. I like the moxie.

The Rock/Cena Dynamic

It's not a traditional matchup
Photo Credit: WWE.com

To most observers right now, WWE is trying so hard to keep John Cena from getting booed out of Sun Life Stadium against The Rock at WrestleMania. Ever since the Royal Rumble, they have been showing videos of him making wishes come true, chilling with healthier fans, helping out the next generation of WWE Superstars down in FCW. This past week on RAW, he came out with a fiery screed against The Rock for being the guy who left the fans behind, as a liar and as an out-of-touch movie star, not a pro wrestler. Despite all of this, Cena has failed to win over enough fans to make his reactions seem in line with how he seems to be portrayed in the company, as its top hero. (excepting when he acts the worst, i.e. dumping Eve Torres)

Instead, many of the vocal fans continue to support The Rock, even though he lied when he said he'd "never leave", even if he's only there for a handful of shows out of the year. People try to rack their brains coming up with an answer for why, but it's quite clear. In WWE, babyface and heel roles are no longer defined by how good or bad a character is. Cool characters, no matter what they do, are faces. Uncool ones are heels. Who is a cooler character to the typical wrestling fan right now than The Rock? CM Punk maybe, possibly Sheamus, but the answer certainly isn't John Cena, again, unless he's doing something "cool" like dumping on Eve Torres. (again, I don't condone it, but there are a lot of people out there who think that kind of thing is cool)

While some see this as WWE trying and failing to make Cena the guy who gets cheered out of all this, I see it as the company just throwing all its cards into making the Cena character as fully-fleshed out as possible in its current incarnation. He's the guy who stayed, and that contrast against the movie star is more important than worrying who the one who gets to nominally be called "the babyface" is. If that character gets booed out of the building? Then so be it. At least people are reacting to him. I think WWE sees this, and it's not a mistake that Cena's tone has gotten more and more homespun, authentic, charitable and kid-friendly than Rock's almost insular counterpart videos. They each reinforce the image of coolness in the fans' heads. Cena is trying too hard to get people to like him, and no matter what, he comes off as lame. Rocky doesn't need anyone to tell him he's cool, so his videos can be about his family or just showing him filming on the set of his next movie. They each inform the roles the specific characters are going to play in Miami.

That all being said, the crowd reactions are hardly ever all uniform for either guy. It just happens that the ones who cheer Rocky and boo Cena are able to get to a louder, more defined tone than the ones who do the inverse. So, either WWE is engendering a mixed crowd for this like it's some kind of sporting event, or they're going with it and allowing John Cena to be the heel he always has been.

Yes, the heel he's always been... it's been said before by people who are much smarter people than I that if John Cena were to "turn heel" in the traditional metric that he would pretty much ensure that he'd be cheered unanimously. Again, we got a preview of that Monday when he basically slut-shamed Eve Torres for trying to kiss him (KISS, not fuck, KISS). Fans ate that up, and we can all agree that that was a dickhead move to do. By embracing the old school ideals of hustle, loyalty and respect at all other times, Cena is the bad guy to people who feel that the most heinous crime one can commit is being uncool. While some might see this as a failed attempt to get John Cena in the fans' good graces, I see it as great character development and very much a situation where the crowd is played perfectly. WWE doesn't want people to cheer Cena. They just want people to react. For better or worse, people are going to react to John Cena on Monday, in Miami and as long as he's around, really. In other words, everything's going according to plan.

Big Aristotle to Miss WrestleMania

Photo Credit: IMDB

Via WWE.com

Shaquille O'Neal will not have a match at this year's WrestleMania, WWE announced on their website. While he claimed he would appear, I guess the two sides couldn't agree to terms. What implications does this have? Well, Big Show will move on from his pseudo-traditional celebrity attraction match into a regular match. The way the last couple of days have gone in WWE programming, that opponent looks to be Cody Rhodes.

As a fan, I'm kinda bummed about this development. I was looking forward to a couple of weeks of deadpan quips from Big Aristotle, and Big Show totally would've had fun with it. Yeah, the Rhodes/Show (ha!) match will probably be better from a technical standpoint, but sometimes, the spectacle is where it's at.

Your Midweek Links: Misogyny, Ugh

Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week.

Self-Shilling:

- My first ever wrestler on The Wrestling Podcast is Joe "Joey Pink" Drilling, who discusses his days as a wrestler and "looking strong". [Episode 41: Wages of Sin Cara]

- I was also on Jason Mann's podcast to talk about DDP vs. Goldberg from WCW Halloween Havoc 1998. [Wrestlespective Radio]

- My latest for the Camel Clutch Blog, on Michael Cole and his lack of worth [WWE Realizes Michael Cole Sucks, So Why Is He Still on Commentary?]

- My latest for Fair to Flair is waxing nostalgic for ECW, but not that ECW [I Miss (WW)ECW)

- On Holzerman Hungers, I detail my trip to one of them fancy steakhouses. [Morton's Steakhouse]

Wrestling Links:

- KSP looks at his month of not listening to wrestling commentary and describes how liberating it was. [Fair to Flair]

- Tom Breihan on the latest ROH TV tapings, and why he left early [The Classical]

- Razor argues that it's time to end the brand split. [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

WWE, Eve, John Cena and Misogyny

- Sergio Hernandez, Cageside Seats

- Razor, Kick-Out!! Wrestling

- Brandon Stroud, With Leather (Best and Worst, Page 2 has the passage about the Eve segment)

- Lee Burton, Ring Belles

- K Sawyer Paul, International Object

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Kate Upton bouncing around has a supercut. Score one for us chauvinistic pigs everywhere! [Film Drunk]

- 13 mind-blowing things about your childhood [Buzz Feed]

- Potential first time guests who'd make SNL less stagnant [Warming Glow]

- Brandon Stroud remembers Gary Carter [With Leather]

- Solar tornadoes bigger than the Earth itself? HOLY POOP. [Youtube]

- Brady Quinn, kind of a loudmouth dumbass. [The Go Route]

- The Academy is out of touch because most of its electorate consists of old white dudes. Yeah, sounds about right. [Pajiba]

The Best Moves Ever: Cattle Mutilation

Once upon a time, Daniel Bryan was known as Bryan Danielson, and he was just as awesome under that name as he is under his current one if not more so (spoiler alert, definitely more so, actually). His reputation as a submission master preceded him, and that meant awesome looking holds such as this, the Cattle Mutilation. Once upon a time, he used it to make CM Punk tap out clean. Imagine that.

Instant Feedback: No More Chris Brown, Please

Live Smackdowns always seem to be a mixed bag, don't they? On one hand we had the brilliance of Miz kowtowing to Daniel Bryan in the opening segment in an awesome callback full of smarminess and a puffed out Vegan chest as well as an EPIC main event that had two restarts and a double pin but didn't feel overbooked in the least because holy shit, who is going to complain getting more of Bryan vs. CM Punk. On the other, either WWE is about to book a Chris Brown-related angle or they're trying to leech off his name, prodding him in his Twitter feud with Punk.

Of course, given that they didn't think anything of their misogynistic treatment of Eve Torres the night before, it would make total sense that they'd try to latch on to a remorseless spouse abuser like Brown. Yes, I'm the same guy who loves Mike Tyson in the Hall of Fame, but there's a huge, HUGE difference between Tyson and Brown. Tyson went to jail and has since showed remorse for his transgressions. Brown keeps referring to anyone who calls him out on his lack of rehabilitation "haters". It's definitely different here. All I have to say is, if they work with Brown, I'll have serious doubts as to whether I would continue to support them through viewership. Very serious doubts.

But onto the good stuff, mainly the main event match. Holy crap, I could watch Punk and Bryan wrestle every night for the next year and it wouldn't get old. Hell, throw Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus and Alberto del Rio in there for variety at least, and that's a main event slate of matches that would give WWE a strong in-ring year as any they've ever had. It was a great integration of a great match with a story that could've used those two guys putting in the blood, sweat and tears to hammer home their rivalry more than David Otunga beating Ezekiel Jackson every week.

But I also don't think people should be sleeping on Miz/Sheamus either at the top of the show. The opening segment was fantastic, with Miz crawling back to the guy he couldn't jettison fast enough in NXT season 1, and Bryan just having that shit-eating grin on his face the whole time. The match that followed was pretty good too. Miz doesn't get enough credit for improving his in-ring game, and even though it comes and goes at times, tonight, it was on point.

That being said, I could've done without all the recaps and the Chris Brown shit. I also could've done without seeing R-Truth and Kofi Kingston lose the night after they beat the Tag Champions, as well as Big Show shrug off being distracted by Cody Rhodes only to KTFO Mark Henry. Too bad, because the matches involved were pretty good. Ugh. Total mixed bag.

Wrestling Six Packs: Misadventures in Wrestling News Reporting

Wrestling news is quite the mixed bag. It's maligned a lot, and rightfully so, but some examples of bad newswriting and reporting stand out from others as the worst of the worst. Here are examples from the last 15 months or so that epitomize bad wrestling news reporting.

1. Figure 4 Online scrapes the bottom of the barrel for news items.

News isn't always "hard". It's not just a wrestling thing to report on soft news or puff items, but Bryan Alvarez sometimes scrapes the bottom of the barrel with his daily updates for F4W Online. Over the summer, he gave us the SCINTILLATING news that Evan Bourne was in Las Vegas looking to score tickets to a UFC event. He also brought us the nugget of there being a song they used at a wrestling event once being used in a TV show. Hard hitting stuff there, guys.

2. The New York Daily News reports Sting is headed to WrestleMania... oops!

It's not just the dirtsheets that engage in bad information dissemination. Nope, legitimate media does too. King Jordan, who writes about wrestling for the NYDN, ran with a report that Sting had eschewed offers from TNA in favor of a WWE contract that would include a WrestleMania match with Undertaker. Because it wasn't from one of the online sources, it had to be right, right? Well, obviously many who got worked up over this report overestimated the capacity of print media for accuracy. As we all know, Sting showed back up in TNA as their answer to the Undertaker surprise vignettes, which got him a World Championship and the distinction of being the trivia answer to "Who was on the other side of the ring when Jeff Hardy showed up to Victory Road fucked up out of his mind?"

3. WrestleZone... no, that's all I have to say

It's one thing to be a cut and paste site that relies on the top tier of wrestling reporters (Dave Meltzer, Mike Johnson, Wade Keller) for information, often without credit. There are tons of those sites out there, so it'd be pointless to call them all out. WrestleZone, however, has a special place dirtsheet hell with their "commentary" offerings from luminaries like Mark Madden and Kevin Kelly. The former's trolling columns are the subject of FJMs from many, but the latter, an employee of ROH no less, writing columns about how Alberto del Rio won't be a major star because he's not a white male just takes the cake.

4. Bryan Alvarez rips a cage match for being 3+ stars.

I hate to pick on Alvarez... okay, maybe I don't, but still, he deserves it. Here's the text of his review of Jeff Jarrett/Kurt Angle at Lockdown:

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett in an ULTRA MALE RULES MATCH INSIDE A STEEL CAGE. What are Ultra Male rules? Well, first fall submission, second fall pin, third fall FLEE. Yeah. They sent Karen to the back. Why? So she would not interfere in this STEEL CAGE MATCH. So basically, in the pinfall fall you can't win via submission, and in the submission fall you can't pin a guy? Doesn't sound like much of an ultra match to me. And with that said they still went for nearfalls and the ref still counted. I just can't believe this place sometimes. Jarrett put on a figure four early but Angle wouldn't quit. Angle ended up going shoulder-first into the post, then Jeff gave him an enzuigiri to the shoulder, then put him in -- an ARM bar. Angle switched the armbar into an ankle lock for the submission. That'll teach Jeff for being so dumb. Anyway, not a long fall but it was very good. Second fall was pinfall only. They did a great spot where Jeff went for the stroke but Angle shoved him into the cage and then hit an Olympic slam. Jeff kicked out. Kurt tried his run-up-the-ropes spot but he slipped. He climbed up, did the suplex, and somehow landed right on Jeff's head. Jeff looked hurt. Angle covered him and Jeff kicked out, but then just lied there, clearly hurting bad. Crowd chanted "SLOPPY SECONDS!" Well, about ten guys. Jarrett was badly messed up but kept working. Not good, because he probably had a concussion. Angle went for an Olympic slam but Jeff turned it into a cradle and grabbed the tights for the pin. But then the ref didn't call for the bell. Crowd went silent. Nobody knew what the hell was happening. Why does this shit never happen in WWE? So finally Borash just announced that we were in the third fall. Jarrett shook the cobwebs off and went to work. So now the goal was to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, here in this ultra male match. Angle did all his rolling Germans, then went to escape. As he was about to hit the ground he changed his mind, went back inside and locked the door. Didn't we see this with Anderson? Jarrett juiced, the first guy on this show believe it or not. Angle went to climb out over Jarrett but Jarrett came up underneath him and gave him a powerbomb off the top rope. Angle over-rotated and appeared to land right on his fucking head. They showed a replay and he actually over-rotated so far that he missed his head, but just barely. Had he rotated just slightly less he'd be dead right now. TNA needs to prevent this guy from wrestling for his own good. Jarrett went to climb but Angle popped up, ran up the ropes and gave Jeff the Angle slam. He went to climb out but GUNNER -- yes, GUNNER -- ran down with a chair and stopped him. I wish I was making this up. It gets worse. Kurt then proceeded to squat on the top rope and pray to the Lord. Luckily for Kurt the Lord was one of the 14,000 watching this show, so he protected Kurt as this crazy bastard did his cage moonsault which we will look back on some day as having left him ultimately in a wheelchair. He missed, but Jarrett lunged at him to try to make contact. Both guys were dead. Scott Steiner ran down and killed Gunner. Angle went to leave but Karen sprayed him with perfume. Jarrett went to leave but Kurt grabbed his leg and put him in the ankle lock. Karen slid Jeff a guitar, which he used to clonk Angle. Jarrett spent too much time celebrating his supposed win and Kurt grabbed his ankle again. So Karen, of course, slammed the cage door on Kurt's head and Jeff fell outside to win. Hey, as a match this was pretty fucking awesome. But Jesus Christ, these people running TNA don't give a shit about the well-being of their performers. Not that this is news. I really, REALLY don't want to see someone die on PPV, but at this point it seems inevitable. It pains me to even rate this but hopefully the people in charge at TNA have long since given up on reading or listening to anything I say or write.

Sounds like a real shit show, right? What would someone guess his star rating for this match would be? One snowflake? DUD? Negative snowflakes? Nope. Here's the rating:

***3/4

Yep. YEP. No one can make this shit up.

5. Miz and Brodus Clay are being buried! BURIED!

Survivor Series buyrates come back low, and sources within the company leak out that Miz is the one who's being blamed for them. Not The Rock, not John Cena, not R-Truth, but The Miz. He's being deemphasized. So what happens? He just gets the iron man slot in the Rumble match. Miz THEN fails to catch R-Truth on a spot to the outside, and the dirtsheets start popping up with reports that he's buried and done and that Triple H dressed him down backstage according to nebulous "sources". Oh he was done. In fact, we should probably start counting down the days before he was future endeavored. Except he then was the last to be eliminated in the RAW Chamber. Yup. Then, Brodus Clay gets taken off TV for spell, and the dirtsheets all start reporting that he's being sent back down to developmental because he can't work. Except he was still on tour, on dark matches, with the same gimmick, having to go to Twitter saying he wasn't going anywhere. Point is, speculation isn't news, but don't tell the dirtsheets.

6. Mike Johnson thinks one 10-year old represents all the kids WWE is trying to reach.

This is the piece de resistance. It's not terrible because Johnson seems to dislike Santino. Not at all. My beef is that it's bad reporting, period. What Johnson did was ask an interminably small sample size and pass it off like this kid was representative of EVERY person in WWE's target audience. It's anecdotal bullshit that takes opinion and masks it as fact. It'd be lazy for me, a blogger who does it for free, to pull off, so doesn't anyone think that a guy who gets paid to do it for a living should be held to a higher standard? Yeah, I thought so.

Obviously though, there are people who do good work in wrestling writing and news reporting. Meltzer, though apathetic seeming, still has good analysis even if his news lacks. Keller and Johnson break stories. All the main dirtsheets have good writers employed by them, including Pro Wrestling Dot Net with Chris Shore and Will Pruett. That being said? The imperfections are glaring and deserve mockery. The medium needs an enema.

Whatever Happened to Announcing a Full Pay-Per-View Card?

Woulda got more than crickets if it was announced prior
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It seems to be standard operating procedure nowadays for WWE only to announce between 67-80% of the matches for any given pay-per-view event beforehand. For example, Elimination Chamber *sigh* advertised four matches but then trotted out Jack Swagger against Justin Gabriel in an unadvertised and really, unbuilt United States Championship match. The Royal Rumble event announced the Rumble, two title matches and John Cena/Kane, but tacked on a Divas match and a Funkasaurus squash. Some might think of these as Easter eggs and bonuses, but those benefits are short-lived compared to how much of a detriment to the roster they end up being.

The biggest complaint about the younger guys is that they "can't draw", which to me is ridiculous because they don't get the proper time to prove they can "draw". The impromptu PPV match does nothing to help that perception because often times, it's not John Cena or anyone else they care about getting that SURPRISE booking. How much has Swagger or Gabriel even been mentioned on RAW or Smackdown, let alone appeared on either show? The sad thing is, Gabriel might have been featured more. It's crazy that a guy who holds a major title belt is ignored the way he is.

As much as some people want to think that having wrestling matches is the only thing that should draw crowd reactions, often times, the typical wrestling fan will not give nary a fuck about either competitor in the match if there's no story involved. This doesn't have to be a spider web woven in the intricately fucked up manner that the whole John Cena/Kane/Eve Torres/Zack Ryder thing has played out. The simplest story is "we have a wrestling match at the pay per view in a couple of weeks, and I want to win it", and often times, this can be enough to at least stoke some kind of coals for the match.

Obviously, it would be ideal to have a story for every match on every pay-per-view event. I'm not sure if this was the case for every old school PPV back in the day, but it sure felt like it. In the days of three months between events, it was a lot easier to build big for the main events early and then use the last month or so on Superstars or Wrestling Challenge to throw together some kind of simple "I WANNA BEAT YOU FOR THE MATCH PURSE" story build for the lower card ones. That being said, there's an awful lot of time wasted on recaps and puff pieces that I can't help but wonder something. If a third of that time was spent just announcing a Swagger/Gabriel match for EC and then reminding everyone it existed whether the crowd reactions would still have as tepid as they were.

Just announcing a match more than a week before a PPV can totally turn a reaction from "Who the fuck are these guys?" to "Hey, here's another match that I can do predictions on at my message board" and bam, there's some investment right there. It's minimal, but that minimal care shown might just end up sparking something for what might otherwise be a throwaway match. Purpose is important, even if it's superficial or simple in nature.

It's Time to Retire the "WHAT?" Chant

What's the most annoying chant in wrestling? Most people would probably say one of those smart-assed indie chants, and yeah, some of them are irritating. As much as I don't like some of them (not all of them, most chants at an indie show usually kinda rule, suck it haters), even the most annoying ones like "This is wrestling!" end up as a statement of appreciation. They're reactions to stuff that guys do, even the ones that are negative in connotation.

Guess which chant doesn't have anything to do with action? Yep, those "WHAT?!" chants are just the worst. I love Steve Austin, but man, sometimes I wanna smack him upside his head for inventing that pox on mainstream wrestling crowds everywhere. The worst example yet of them happened last night during an Undertaker promo. Taker was out there delivering one of the best promos of the year to date, and this crowd was shitting on it like he was Michael Cole in hyper-smarm mode. I filtered it out at the time because I was so into what Taker was saying, but I can understand how this would get under people's skins.

Truth be told, they kinda get under my skin anymore too. They add nothing to the proceedings. Nothing at all. People like to shit on indie crowds for "trying to get themselves over", which as John Hyperion pointed out on a guest Fair to Flair piece, is a hilarious accusation to levy on a group of people coming together either to appreciate what their favorite guys are doing or to shit on what the heels are doing. "WHAT?!", to me, feels more like a "let's get ourselves over" thing than any other type of fan chant out there.

Sure, one could argue that it is the ultimate in shitting on something the heel is doing. I will grant that argument, but what did Taker do that was so heelish? Was it a boring promo then? Obviously, stuff like that might tread a fine line and be boring to some, but the same people who were "WHAT"ing on Undertaker were the same ones who ate up Triple H's speech later on that segment, and his pacing was slower and more monotoned than Taker's was by far.

Let's pretend for a second though that yes, maybe sometimes guys do bad stuff that deserves in-character scorn. What the fuck is wrong with just booing? Or if a guy's boring, what's wrong with being silent and letting the people in charge know that hey, we don't wanna hear this guy talk anymore? Bringing the "WHAT?!" in play is way more self-indulgent to me than even chanting "This is wrestling!" because the former requires no thought. It's a Pavlovian reaction that people do for attention. It's far more cutting than regular booing, and it really doesn't say anything like "This is wrestling!"

I'm all for free expression, and crowds should be able to react how they want. That being said, that doesn't mean every chant is created equal, and it doesn't mean that there aren't reactions that crowds end up causing more bad with than good when they chant them. The worst of these is that "WHAT" chant. If I never heard it again, I'd be a happy, happy wrestling fan.

Wade Barrett Is NOT Going to WrestleMania

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via WWE.com

Wade Barrett (known as RED BELLY to Great Khali enthusiasts) has dislocated his elbow and will miss the next six to eight weeks of action. This will put him out of WrestleMania. Barrett was visibly hurt last night during his elimination from the contendership battle royale, requiring a stretcher and a splint to be placed on his left elbow. Further information suggests the injury happened when Big Show threw Dolph Ziggler on him. Ziggler himself looked like he was knocked loopy when his head hit the announce table, but apparently, he'll be okay.

This is a really bad break for Barrett, who will miss the big event after being rumored to be involved in either Money in the Bank or a tag match with Cody Rhodes against Big Show and Shaq (again, just rumors I've heard). Here's hoping for a full and speedy recovery for the Barrett Barrage.

RAW Is Misogyny

The "HATE" on the T-shirt should have an asterisk that says "except misogyny"
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Stop me if you've heard this one before. A Diva turns heel, revealing herself to be a conniving bitch, then she gets her comeuppance by having one of the popular males on the roster call her degrading terms. Of course I'm describing what happened to Eve Torres last night, but it seems like it's a recurring trend in WWE with women and their turns. Sometimes, the former can come without the latter (LayCool never really got the dressing down from a male superstar that followed) and sometimes the latter comes without the former (seriously, Vickie Guerrero has endured so much bullshit from the males on the roster that it's hard to remember when exactly she turned from sweet widow to golddigger). However, it seems a wash-rinse-repeat pattern with any female on the roster who decides she wants to do more than shake her ass, look pretty and win matches despite knowing maybe three wrestling holds (one of which doesn't even have to be running the ropes).

Ostensibly, the mold was broken first with Kharma and then the Divas of Doom. In both cases though, the vibe was ruined early on. Kharma's breakdown apparently had little to with the faith or lack thereof shown to her by management and more with her impending pregnancy, but the treatment given to Beth Phoenix and Nattie Neidhart has been more discouraging. Made to look foolish at every turn on television and only squeaking by on PPV, pretty bauble title belts be damned, the experiment has been a failure. Given the state of Nattie right now on Smackdown, that failure has very little to do with the women who were tasked with performing in the ring and more with people giving direction.

It's shouting into the abyss at this point, and I'm fully aware of that fact. However, it's still very disheartening to see this kind of utter disrespect towards women manifest itself. It'd be one thing if the Neidhart and Phoenix were presented as different, strong characters than the typical Diva heel and to have Eve be dressed down in such a manner. It's a whole other when the treatment shown to Torres last night, from her utter stupidity of revealing her entire plan on camera to the Bella Twins to having her be escorted from the ring screaming and crying after trying to jump the bones of a man who just called her skank juice, is standard operating procedure.

To be quite honest, I wouldn't begrudge any woman for not wanting to watch a single minute of WWE wrestling ever again. The fact that I'm hardly the only person to feel that way should be a wakeup call to Titan Towers. Of course, it won't be. Vince McMahon will have to die for that to happen, and even then, how can we know that Triple H and Stephanie McMahon would be better in that regard, seeing as Stephanie has been the head writer for the better part of a decade and Trips is as ingrained in the macho locker room culture as anyone in that board room? It's not looking good.

So, excuse me for not taking any false hope away from the fact that Phoenix and Tamina Snuka had a good match at the pay-per-view when the next night, it was back to business as usual. This is what we have to look forward to with womanhood in WWE, and that's damn depressing.